Time Thought

Have one of them days where you wonder if you've done the right thing? I mean, in a situation/relationship? I see eyes rolls now in cyberspace! I digress.
To the specific point: being told you do not show someone else you have time for them. I was unable to make a "Meet Up With a Chum Date" due to times did not crunch as needed. The Chum Date came up on a lark, and I thought I could make it. It was my bad, I didn't check times before I said I would. I apologized that I couldn't. The Chum Date made a joking/snide remark. And not heard from em since. A girl chum (and you know we girls psychoanalyze best of chocolate or lattes), suggested I may have given off the vibe I didn't have time for the Chum Date.
Really? I looked at the situation. Realistically--I hoped. I thought of how I respected this Chum Date's time, conformed to their available times, because they are such on the go, and listened to their day whether good and bad, while I stirred coffee, only to wish my coffee was a mocha latte--yet not one question posed to me about my day--good or bad. When I did try to chime in a sentence, there was dead air, then Chum Date went on with their own thought.
Yet I do not seem as if I have time for them...
Really?
Stay tuned.

Makin' Friends

Remember how easy it was to make friends in grade school? A chocolate chip cookie and BFF's for life--or until at least recess. As I've gotten older and continue to ignore everything AARP 'invites' me to, makin' friends seems harder.

What do you think?

Maybe it's all the stuff we've experienced to get us to this point. In the deepest part of the valley to the highest tip of the mountaintop--if we're gonna be friends let's just FF and get on with it. For me, to discover your favorite food, movie, color etc, can be fun--yet not as much fun as when I was 15.

Does my impatience show?

Friends are important to me. They truly are. Wish I could just recycle or clone the ones I've had for years so I wouldn't have to worry about makin' new ones. Since I'm an only child I can be picky. More so now, I'm older. I am loyal. Yet you tick me off once---well, we'll have to review your application.

OK. That's wrong of me, isn't it? Yea it is. I really need to embrace makin' brand new friends. There are those I know who will be roses in my garden. I know that. I really do.

I just really want the friendship thing to just get on it---hence my impatience.

Times were easier when it was all about a chocolate chip cookie.

You and Friday

Now come on. Admit it. This is a relationship you really, really like.
You and Friday. I know I do.
Gotta admit tho, it went in spurts. Friday and me. Mainly because there was a time
I worked Friday Nights, while chums ran the streets, being wild and free-
As I toiled in a nursing home's kitchen fillin' jelly jars, peelin' carrots and washin' dishes.
From 10 PM to 6 AM. On a Friday. After about 8 months,
The nursing home and I 'mutually agreed' I need not come back---ever.
What did I care? I was 19. Lived at home. Sweet Big Daddy Don slid me $ when
The step-mother wasn't looking. Grand life to be had.
Plus I re-launched a great relationship with Friday--
And I liked it like that--Baby, I thought I was a star!

Relationships III

Things come in 3's, the word is. So it's 3 posts on relationships--for now.

I've slept on and thought of my emotions from yesterday. Pretty dag gum deep for me. I didn't share with anyone, even my BFF, what I felt yesterday--until today. Then I didn't go into a lot of detail, just more the hi-lights of it.

Why? Because she's lady, we'll call her Dunne, who has uplifted me about my small business ideas, from selling' pies to cat lovers things. We hadn't chatted lately until now. I told about the 'Dream Big" my pastor Rickie Rush preached and how I thought of her of her Big Dream. You see, Dunne has a picture of her dream house (more like a mansion)on her cubical wall. She told me God has it all worked out and coulda been waiting for her to take a step. We both said you have to speak what you want to will it. If you just have a thought--it's just that--a thought. Words make it so.

I told Dunne how you never know where angels are going to be. Dunne said how MLG was an angel to show me anything is possible--it's not too late to do your passions. OK, I'm giving you just hi-lights, however the chat with Dunne was free and easy, even tho we met in April, and hadn't spoken since June. We laughed like we would over coffee at Starbucks, except we stood by the sinks in the women's restroom, at our jobs.

I remember when my My Sweet Big Daddy Don passed away in 2001, I felt so lonely. Both of my parents were now gone and I was an adult orphan. Loneliness consumed. Sure, I knew people, but the weekends were the darkest days of my week even the sun's beams blinded. I'd sit on my couch and realize the 'friends' I had were no even close to being there for me as I was for them. I cried alot.

I wasn't much into in my Spiritual Walk in 2001 (the beginning was still two years away) yet I asked God would there ever be a day I'd have good friends. Friends that I could count on. Friends who "get me" and we would laugh at the same thing with just once glance at each other.

The chat with Dunne showed me relationships are not 'one size fits' all. .

The day I cried for is here.

Thank God.

I am blessed.

Relationships Part II

Yep, I'm still on relationships. This short, yet sweet relationship with the male lead guy (MLG) has taken me for a loop. More so than I've ever thought it would. Well, in recent times anyway.

Of course, I'm selfish because I did want to hang with MLG more here in Dallas. And instead he caught the silver bird back East this morning. So many things I wanted to talk about. Questions I wanted to ask. I hadn't wanted to do such a chat in quite a while--perhaps because I'd lacked a grown man to chat with. Like I said, I knew men that were grown, yet to know a grown man mesmerized me. Anybody else feel like that?

Like I said, MLG lives his passion. Honestly, outside of the fact he's nice eye candy, living his passion is what got me most. And most angered me much about myself. Enough so I sat at my desk, and knowing MLG sat on the silver bird ready to take flight, to one place the make believe is made--I fought tears. OK, and I admit, we did text while he sat on the plane and quit as they readied to take-off.

See, I wanted to move to Manhattan, back in the day. Maybe even more so than LA. Nonetheless, I wanted to be where the city never slept, because I wouldn't either. I wanted to be part of where the make believe is made. Theatre, movies, film--if not in front, then behind. My words, my actions, even a back up dancer way, way way way way off (maybe Peoria) dancer on Broadway. It didn't matter. I wanted to be there.

Funny, my chums will tell you I was/am the risk taker of my posse--especially when I was growing up. My high school chums will tell you they expected the unexpected from me. However, I feel I didn't quite measure up, because I didn't do what I wanted to do. When I was in my one and only high school play,"The Music Man," I loved every second of rehearsal and then the performance. The roar of the crowd, the smell of the greasepaint. I LOVED it. Yet, when those lights dimmed so did I.

That why I had tears in my eyes today. MLG lives his passion-really more so, than any other chum who lives a life with their passion laced with it. MLG showed me how, in essence, I failed myself. Nobody else did it to me, but me.

Oh, now wait, this isn't a pity party. More of an epiphany. I do believe everything happens for a reason. God has always been there for me, yet back then--really until 2003, I didn't 'really get'--He was there. The knowing of MLG, enlarged all the opportunities God put out there for me, and I chose to not take them. I thought MY way was better. This also includes the relationships I've had. Lets says they all pretty much failed. Yet, I kept right at it. Forget God ever having a say, it had to be My way or no way.

Yes, I'm sad about what I've not done. I personally feel MLG, was an angel God sent to show me, front row and center, all things are possible through Him. Still possible thru Him.

Well, I may cry some more. I do realize it's more my grieving for a time lost which I will never get back. Grieving because I made such silly choices. At the same time, I cry eager tears of what can and will come.

Let me share this too. MLG had an hour lay over. We pretty much text'd the whole time...and yes, I was at work. Just call it multi-task. Anyway, we spoke of keeping in touch. He said 'generally speaking' outta site out of mind. I told him I don't really consider myself "general' and gosh, was he going to forget me THAT soon?

After all there's pie, coffee and catfish to do-I'm sure he laughed when he read that--so he says, just 'generally speaking'--and I informed him I didn't think he was so 'general' either. For that, he may have thought "her Aries is showing". The point of all that, the conversation kept going, I was myself without intimidation.

Will the communication keep going now that MLG's back in his stompin' grounds? I kinda doubt it. Yea, course, I'm selfish and want it. Although, I've thanked God for MLG many times already. It's what I needed. Craved, really. To have my eyes open by 15 minutes of fame, so to speak. So if we do communicate again, I'm dreaming BIG, here, it'll be frosting on a cup cake!

A shorter than shorter than I'm used to relationship, yet the memory will last a long, long time.

Have you had any relationships like that?

Mope Hot

Hot. Got up and done for my writers' group today. Heck, I really oughta write something, that has absolutely nothing to do with school--then I can get critiqued. I guess I'm having withdrawal. We did have a great time--as usual. .

I usually don't mope about not having a man 24/7. Yet, today....being in Iowa made me realize how much I miss having an under-my-own-roof family. I'm blessed with wonderful friends here in Dallas, although I question what keeps me here. No family even within a 300 mile radius. Ponder over the relationships where I adored each man at that moment in time. Four come to mind right off the bat (at least for this post....)

Let's see, one I knew was gay from the start and since I'm an only child, to share was not part of of my vocabulary. Then another man discovered he was gay, but said he wasn't when dressed up in women's clothes. Or the man who told me he felt like man around, while the other times he felt like a little boy. Finally, the man I thought I would marry, have cute kids with--the whole nine yards, told me I expected too much and so he ran...

Hmm. I know there are good men out there. Titus Men that like cats.

Since it's not time for that man and I to meet yet-I'm off to slice fresh strawberries into my bowl of Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream.

Well, so much for THAT mope!

Sundown

Planned to clean my kitchen and bathroom after I came home from getting my praise on at Inspiring Body of Christ Church. Honestly, the message, Pastor Rickie Rush, preached, was up my alley--you wonder about your blessing. Your behaviour when you go thru a storm. It all hit--as usual. After all that I planned to do stuff, including to work on my novella. .

Well, none of that got done.

What did I do?

Spent way over an hour "chatting" with two different chums on Facebook. One has known me since we were 15, and resides in Iowa. The other chum I met approximately 15 years ago, when we worked at the same company here in Dallas, where she remains. Even tho the chats were different, they were quite the same.

Enjoyed and smiled at memories of the relationships. Good and bad times with both. Yet, all in all, I am glad I spent Sunday chatting with old friends. I could hear our laughs through the computer. Both know me from different times of my life, yet both know me well.

The kitchen and bathroom can wait. As one of my chums quoted Katie Scarlett O'Hara, "Tomorrow is another day!"

Nice frosting for this cake of a day.

I thank Him for this one.

Monday Moment Musings

No Dancing With The Stars. Withdrawal issues I have. I wonder if my Blue Bell Ice Cream will taste as good without Tom Bergeron's witty words between dances?

Hmm. What to do on a Monday? Where are my sequins and paso doble?

*Sigh*

To reality, tonight was one of those wishful moments to have a man 24/7. Yep, for those really important tasks-killing ugly, gi-normous bugs and to haul the trash to the curb. It's a bit chilly outside. So to carry it from the back to the front-wasn't feeling the joy of home ownership. Plus I had an extra bag or two, since trash didn't get picked up last Friday.

Then a local, best selling author gave me feedback of one of my short stories. She liked it and said it reminded her of a particular author. THRILLED I am--even tho I had NO clue who the author she spoke of was. Ahh..the internet being all knowing and powerful gave me info and now I feel like the unknown author and have already shared coffee. So over to Half Price Books I go--nada. Then across the street to Barnes and Noble

EEKS. I looked at 10 of her more than that novels. Five of them where like the short story I sent the local, best selling author. I wanted all 5, yet 70 bucks didn't want to escape my slim to none bank account. Then I remembered--on this author's site, I could print off a few chapters for FREE.

I am glad the trash now sits on the curb. So very glad of the compliment my writing received. Yet still sad there's no Len or Bruno and no-No Lift Carrie and Dancing With the Stars.

Oh well. Let's just see how the good Blue Bell Ice Cream still tastes...*

Saturday Sulk

Iowa Hawkeyes lost to Ohio State.

Recorded the game, due to attending a housewarming. Didn't listen to any sports coming home. Nope. Just blared music. Got home, fast forwarded thru commercials and with just a few second left in regulation, score tied 24-24 my DVR STOPS! I didn't set up to record enough time!!

Race to my PC. Pull up the Des Moines Register which tells me how Iowa's Rose Bowl dreams slip away, 27-24. Lost on a field goal in overtime. However, the red-shirt QB played a very good game for his first start. Yes, there were errs, yet the score wasn't 45-10 Ohio State, which is what I thought it might be.

As for the housewarming, I arrived with about 20 mins before it was scheduled to end. Why? Due to traffic and getting lost. I didn't realize my chum had moved out into the sticks--literally. I passed horses and cows. I LOVED her home though! Except for the neighbors being right on top of each other, her home is one I would purchase. Got a little envious. Of course, you always want what others have.

So there were my two sulks today. However did lunch with someone I use to be close to. We both realized that closeness never really went away. The way he hugged me confirmed that. A bit of needed growth--on both our parts-reaped rewards.

All in all, nice day indeed.

Monday...really?

Woke up this morning and wondered why I wasn't so refreshed--then I remembed stayed up for:

COWBOYS BEAT THE EAGLES 20-16!

Lovin' that! Where IS my coffee?

Then I also recalled how a relationship I thought on the mend may be not. I'd mentioned a person I was once close to, who'd dropped 60 pounds (congrats to him!) a few days ago. Over the weekend, we'd had contact for the first time in months. I'll be honest, it was all thru e-mails. I felt he would be OK to talk through voice, yet I wasn't. Anyway, break throughs were spoken of--Oprah woulda been proud. Even expectations to better the situation.

Well, then right before the Cowboys game, I evidently went a bit too far in the reasons for my breakthroughs. Erred in judgements of mention of past situations. Reasons why I thought things. We females discuss everything--most guys, not so much. Ahh, you would think I would learn.

So on this Monday, if our relationship was a Monopoly board game, the Less 60 Pounds Guy and I are back to Baltic Avenue---barely.

Oh well, if things are to mend, it's really not in my hands anyway. I give it all to the One that knows my heart.

Since that's done, I need to get outta here, get coffee to get thru the day and get that much closer to Dancing With the Stars!

Sunday Source

Pastor Rickie Rush, of Inspiring Body of Christ Church, asked all the women to wear hats and gloves to service today. To pay tribute how church was when most of us were growing up. I did wear a hat, alas the gloves...not so much. Unlike my younger counter part in the photo from a long ago Sunday.

I didn't know where to even buy a pair gloves. I'm from Iowa and the only gloves, I remember were those to keep my hands warms because the temperature was below freezing--WAY below freezing at that! I will admit, that today it was very nice to see alot of the women, all on the same accord.

The sermon itself hit home-- again. This time about the approach you take in situations. God, being one of them. Do you get all up in His face? Or are you ON your face to worship Him? How do you approach people, situations--whatever else? This made me think of Bear. I'd mentioned him before. The love of my life I thought--and well, that really didn't happen-yet we're now working on civility with one another. Prayer and time passed has helped.

Anyway, one of the many things Bear blamed me for in our on and off and real on and way off and kinda on relationship. was my approach towards him was all wrong. Really? I'd ask for specifics, and receive few. And his approach to me? Whatever I let him get away with because I hoped it would really super duper show him how much I loved him.

It didn't.

Pastor Rush preached on approach-How to check yourself. How you think you may be ready for something, but your approach says other wise. How oppresses you. When you feel the jealousy, envy fear etc, Satan has you in his sights, yet not in control of you. You can push Satan away, thru your approach to worship. I thought of Bear. He was in the sanctuary too today. I wondered what he thought of the Word being preached? If he realized the oppression that branded itself to our relationship back when.

I confident I'll not ever know.

After service, I went up to Pastor Rickie Rush and told him Thank You for the Word today. How it hit home. How the last few Sundays all hit.

Pastor Rush said; "It was you." and stared in my eyes.

I am blessed.

March 23, 1962 was Friday

OK. I have NO idea what I was doing that day. Perhaps to learn to count to 5 or to bask in the greatness of Huckleberry Hound, Bugs Bunny or Quick Draw McGraw...NO clue. Didn't have a diary then. Even if I did, doubt my scribbles would be decipher-able. What did happen: a baby boy was born.

A baby boy grew up to be the guy I just knew I would spend until forever with. Problem is, he didn't get the memo.

I've written a couple times about him here. Not much. Not exactly sure why. Maybe because I was so in denial that we would be together. That one day I could script how we skipped through a sunflower filled meadow, hand in hand, with the wind to waltz with our face. Perhaps, Bambi, Snow White and maybe Winnie the Pooh, with Christopher Robin would wave as we skipped by. Guess my imagination just ran away from me.

In reality there came the point where water had to be thrown on the situation. Like on the Wicked With of the West. Situation had to melt. Had to clear my eyes. Even tho it felt more like a T-Rex stepped on my heart, instead of Winnie the Pooh sharing his honey for the biscuits, I do believe the Birthday Guy is a good man.

Just not the good man for me.

Did wish him a Happy Birthday today.

And I hope that's a memo memo he did get.

Just To Know

Me and Movie Man on his last day. I realize I either bust the camera (It's mine) or shoot the co-worker who took it--maybe both. So filled with grain and peach fuzz. Guess we'll just need to take another one. Movie Man, I'm sure, just rolled his peepers. Just to know him as I do.

Movie Man left today. It won't really hit me until Tuesday--after we speak Monday night how his first day went at Movie Man's new job. How it went for me as he wasn't at his old job. Will sink in --kinda like the Titanic-when I don't feel Movie Man's shoulder squeeze as he paces by. Like he did as he exited today at Stage I M Gone For Good. Just to know.

The day wound up being more emotional for Movie Man than he realized. The good bye from the comfortable to the hello of the unknown. Tonight, as I ate a salad which nearly cost a second mortgage (I love you Celebrity Bakery--however after tonight I will stay with just the bakery part--I digress) tried to reassure Movie Man he's doing the right thing. He tried to reassure me it's my time to finally fly. All my kids have flown from the nest. Just to know me as he does.

Our friendship has been the most different and most in-depth I've experienced, in a very long time. Some scenarios were not too pretty. Folks at work knew when we fought. While other scenarios we even surprised ourselves. Movie Man is the little brother I never had or ever really wanted. Both of us spoiled only children. Stubborn.

I realized tonight, I remind Movie Man too much how he was born three months after I graduated from high school. He's taught me everything movie box office since about 1979. And just shakes his head when I can't remember the first movie we saw together. I just remembered it took about six months to get him to agree to even have a first movie together.

This movie is far from finished. Pop more corn and hold the credits.

Just to know: I am blessed.

What Are You Reading?

Folks know I like to read. Granted, I don’t seem to finish books in a speedy enough fashion, like, let’s say: Harry Potter V or what is IV? I didn’t finish one of them prior to the movie release, just like I am, right now with VI. I digress. Anyway, I DO like to read, and there is one story that a chapter has come to a close, VI years in the making.

Movie Man accepted the new job offer and begins on March 2nd. Granted I am so thrilled for him! And I’m honest to say, sad for me. I re-read the pages of this chapter from Movie Man and me. Some good pages, some not so good—especially the blanks ones. Those translate into the days and weeks we didn’t utter a single word to each other for whatever reason. When we fought---well, we fought. That only child, stubborn, I AM right kinda thing going on. Learned a lot during those pages—good and not so good.

Sure, we’ll still be chums. How can we not? Racquetball, Burger Island, the Boofay, movies, and even the Cheesecake Factory (and Movie Man just said “Really?” when he read that!) will still be there. I mean, who else will bust their arm carrying my basket around Half Price Books and know to find me in the Clearance Section? However, the comfort in the knowledge that other was just across a giant room, if needed, disappears.

Movie Man and I sat back to back, for pretty much close to III years. We bonded over movies and books. I was amazed (and still am) a friendship blossomed with somebody who was born III months after I graduated from high school. It wasn't easy, and even now can be a work in progress. But then good relationships are.

When my illness came on, in February 2006, Movie Man swears I left him. Maybe so. Yet I didn’t apply for somebody to do their job and crack my chest open. :) I digress. Anyway, while I was in the hospital, Movie Man came in one day and announced a job, in another department, but still on our floor, had opened up. Should he apply? By the time I came back, from my leave of absence, in May 2006, Movie Man finally landed that job. So the adjustment of not being back to back had to be smoothed out. We still had comfort in the knowledge the other was close at hand. That feeling will remain for a more days.

Waterproof mascara will be worn on the day this chapter's final words are scripted.

Comfort in the knowledge the book continues.

I am blessed.

History Past

A relationship and Richard Nixon. What do they have in common? Both have passed. One I want to know about. The other...not to so much.

First Richard Nixon. I was in high school when he resigned. On that August day, I watched President Nixon announce his resignation and to leave office the following afternoon. I knew it was history, yet I had too many other things to do. When Richard Nixon and David Frost conducted their infamous interviews in 1977, I didn't watch. Once again, just too much else too do. Well, today, I saw Frost/Nixon, Opie Taylor--er--Ron's Howard's newest Oscar worthy work. When I watch those old Andy Griffith, especially, that first season, I marvel what Little Ronny grew up to be. Anyway, Frost/Nixon had me asking myself, "Is this what happened?" All I remember of David Frost was dating Diahann Carroll and I wondered what she saw in him. Not so handsome in my eye. This movie piqued my interest in a piece of history long past. I'd like to see these interviews myself--just to see. Just to know.
And Frank Langella--heck, I can see what Whoopi Goldberg saw in him! :)

The second thing; A relationship. Ahh. Not much to say there. I mentioned the guy in a previous entry. He's since said I crossed the line and disrespected him. How? By talking about him to his pastor for a few minutes. The conversation totalled five minutes--if that--during two separate occasions. I looked for some guidance from someone that knew the guy and somebody we both respected. To a degree, I do see the guy's point--being angry. Especially if he felt I went behind his back. If anything I am sorry he's upset, yet I still have no regrets I spoke to his pastor. I'd tired of words being said and no actions being done-that's if there was conversation at all. Oh well. I look at the fact, I didn't blow my gasket to this guy, or cry in the comfort of my room or even anything really. His choice. Gee, to quote a movie, maybe he's just not into me. Big deal There are so many other things I need to do.

History Past.

Black Friday...Indeed

Relationships. Not shopping. It's one of those days when you realize something is over. Finally over. Shoulda been over long ago. Yet you hung on. Nibbled on the carrot dangled in front of you. Think he'll really see how you two could've been. He tells you how important it is to see each other, how much he loves you, longs for you and need to get to know each other again. Have coffee and talk. You agree, tell him how happy you'll be to do just that. You ask when to meet at Starbucks. His response? "I'll call you." That was August. Still no call.

Relationships. Sad in a way. Yesterday Thanksgiving. You do your traditional Thanksgiving church service at Inspiring Body of Christ Church with Pastor Rickie G. Rush. In a crowd of a thousands, he spots you As he walks up the aisle, he starts to wave, yet seems to hesitate to continue the wave. You just nod. He's later in the choir and seems to enjoy himself. Your lives have taken such turns. You do wonder where he'll spend Thanksgiving. You just know it's not with you. You realize there's a reason for that.

After service, as you journey to your Thanksgiving destination, he calls you. To say how good it was to see you in church. That's sincere. You know it is. You don't play around with stuff concerning the church house. He goes on and yaps about something else. You feel empty. There's nothing there. You tell him, you realize choices have been made, and you respect them. He just gets silent. Maybe he tried to reach out. Maybe it was to dangle a carrot.

Just this time you choose not to nibble. Nothing in his actions shown he would do anything different than the past. You've made mistakes where men are concerned. You realize how you let them tell you what was wrong with you. More than one told you how you expected to much. Including this man from yesterday. Your step-mother even told you once to not be so strong. Of course, this is the same woman who told you, while you were in your 20's, 'to have any man's baby, just so you could have one." You never realized that anything could be wrong with the men. That it could be their control factor. You always thought it had to be you. With your usual bold, brash nature, you feared if you spoke up too much, too soon, the men, who you thought you loved and cared for, would run for the hills.

You would stay silent for too long. Because when you finally did rise up, the men were aghast on how dare you say such things! They wouldn't pay you any mind. If you fought the fear and spoke up sooner, woulda saved you alot of heartache. You coulda chipped in for their bus fare to the hills.

Relationships. Whether they work or not, you need to be open about them. Cry some. Laugh some. Eat some ice cream. Yet, regardless of age, always learn from. Don't ever settle. You realized you settled for the bread crumbs thrown to you, by the man in the choir and others.

You deserve the whole loaf. Remember that.

Now, cue Gladys and her Pips tell us how to neither one of us.....

Cats, Men and me.....

"You have cats. No self-respecting Black man will want you because you have all those cats.’ This man told this more than once. He went on, “Would you give them up? The cats? If that was the only way you could keep the man?”

I replied, “Cats stay. If I have to do that to keep the man-he’s not worth having.”

“What if he’s allergic? Or just hates them?

“He pops Benedryl and/or gets an allergy shot. If he hates them? Well, can’t help that. Except the cat is 10 pounds—not actual lion size. The cats stay.”

“That’s why you're alone. " he announced. “You pick cats over a man.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Nope. Always had pets. Always will have pets longer than I’ll have a man. Pets are the one thing I won’t let go of in this life. I love dogs, yet cats are my first choice of pet.”

He just shook his head. “You pick a cat over a man.”

“I compromise. In relationships, that’s what you do. Compromise. During my 20’s, and maybe even my early 30’s,” I explained, “I probably would have given up a cat. Heaven knows, back then, I gave up a lot of ME. Was afraid the man wouldn’t like what he saw and leave. That pesky little lack of self-confidence has vanished. Can't even see my 20’s or 30’s in the rear view mirror anymore. Astigmatism.”

He just stared.

“The whole package includes me," I continued, "with purr pals, and discreetly placed litter boxes. It’s all or nothing.”

He tilted his head. His eyes became slits.

Now, what if the guy brings something to the relationship that I hate?" I asked. "For instance there was a guy who had pet tarantulas. I do NOT do spiders, unless of course they're dead, but his weren't. Yet, they were his pets. They just had to stay in their glass house. You yourself, have a dog. What if I didn’t like dogs? And the dog and I didn’t get along? You’d get rid of him, right? To be with the woman you adore?”

Silence.

“Hmm. Yep didn’t think so. Why should a woman be expected to rid herself of something that’s special to her? When you won't even entertain the thought to give up your dog--- for love."

He blinked a few times and before he spoke, so I piped in. “Please don't say it's 'different'. I will always have pets. They stay. If the man and I are to be together, we’ll be together.”

He shook his head-as if I’d broken some 11th Commandment. “No self-respecting Black man will want you.”

“Then I’ll get one in another color.” I smiled. “Heard tell that men come in plethora of shades.” I winked at him. “Pretty much takes care of that, huh?”

No purr from him. Just a groan of disatisfaction.