Just a Few

On a gorgeous Saturday, as I toiled with school work, these kitties kept me company. They perched by my PC monitor. You can tell one of em is kind of a wide load! :) His purr is as big as his hind side!

Anyway, once the school work was done, I headed out to enjoy the day. Splendid, spectacular day!

On of my stops was at a theatre to see Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married Too?" Parts of it were quite good, because I saw improvement in Tyler's writing and direction. And I marvel at Janet Jackson. She whispers so when interviewed, like on Leno and Oprah, for instance--yet in this...something so different. Janet has mentioned this movie was being filmed around her brother Michael's death. I feel that you will feel her pain...I did.

I admire Tyler for all he puts into his movies, however there are times I wish he'd let somebody else direct and/or co-write the script, then Tyler could concentrate on his own acting. Just a thought. Oh, and I will say--at one point I had a big ol' smile on my face. If you go see "Why Did I Get Married Too" I bet you'll know when it was, because it just rocked me over. As did everybody in the theatre.

That's it for now. Just a few on this Saturday. The sun still shines and gotta go enjoy it some more!

Friday Finally...

..and I got me some Tina Turner on the mind....Simply the Best!

No more needs to be said...

Monday...really?

Woke up this morning and wondered why I wasn't so refreshed--then I remembed stayed up for:

COWBOYS BEAT THE EAGLES 20-16!

Lovin' that! Where IS my coffee?

Then I also recalled how a relationship I thought on the mend may be not. I'd mentioned a person I was once close to, who'd dropped 60 pounds (congrats to him!) a few days ago. Over the weekend, we'd had contact for the first time in months. I'll be honest, it was all thru e-mails. I felt he would be OK to talk through voice, yet I wasn't. Anyway, break throughs were spoken of--Oprah woulda been proud. Even expectations to better the situation.

Well, then right before the Cowboys game, I evidently went a bit too far in the reasons for my breakthroughs. Erred in judgements of mention of past situations. Reasons why I thought things. We females discuss everything--most guys, not so much. Ahh, you would think I would learn.

So on this Monday, if our relationship was a Monopoly board game, the Less 60 Pounds Guy and I are back to Baltic Avenue---barely.

Oh well, if things are to mend, it's really not in my hands anyway. I give it all to the One that knows my heart.

Since that's done, I need to get outta here, get coffee to get thru the day and get that much closer to Dancing With the Stars!

Star Thursday Thought

Watched the Oprah episode about weight loss, with Valerie Bertinelli, Marie Osmond and Star Jones. Granted, Star Jones was a story everybody wanted to hear yet, knowing about Valerie and Marie for years, I would have liked them to have more time.

I digress.

Back to Star. I'm still not as big of an admirer as I first was, however I liked her more after watching her this time, than I did--say, on Larry King after she left The View. I pretty much quit watching The View because of her. Tired of the wedding stuff, etc. But today, was different.

Star's talk of not letting anybody know she had gastric bypass. How she wasn't strong enough to face her fears. Possibly disappointing people. All that reminded me of me and my open-heart surgery. Not everybody knew what was wrong with me to be in the hospital. In fact, when I went back to work, some folks thought I had gastric bypass because I'd lost so much weight (and since gained half of it back--drat!) Some of the folks I grew up, with didn't know. I also realized, like Star said about her The View comrades, how much of a burden she put on them to keep her confidence.

And I did that to Movie Man. I didn't realize how much burden was on him. I'm forever sorry for that. And I've told him so. Didn't give him as much thought for what he felt, as I should have as IV's were pumped into my veins. Heaven knows I had enough time on my hands. Co-workers knew we were close, so he would know the truth. I was being selfish. I wanted to be the one to tell them my illness, plus I didn't want a lot of 'there, there' around me.

Yes, indeed, you WANT folks to be there for you. They're scared--maybe more than you realize. In fact one of my closest chums told me recently how she thought she would lose me. I never knew. Sometimes though, the visitors can tire you out when you need rest. I'm blessed for everyone--they were there in a shade drawn moment of my life.

Back to my point, Star said she would disappoint folks if they found out. I wondered if I thought that. And I did. Not with the surgery--oh heck, that was a piece of cake. Nope. I was petrified, when I first went into the hospital and my speech was interrupted.

I'd had the stroke that wasn't a stroke from the piece of endocarditis broke off and traveled to my brain. My neurologist said it caused my brain to burp--but that was a few days after my speech cleared up. But before--oh man--I was devastated if I could not communicate as I once did. I was known for my speech, my mannerisms and now I was scared it would all be gone. I sat in that hospital and feared I would always be able to understand folks (and I could) but to reply would be slurred and/or I'd miss a word in a sentence.

For instance, the doc would say "have a nice day." And I would respond: "have a day." I'd hear them, but my brain wasn't quite there. During that time I thought I would not be good for much. What could I do if I couldn't talk? That's when I wasn't strong enough to tell others outside of my circle, because I wasn't the same. Their memories of me were fun lovin, do anything she wanted and hey, it's party because she's here. Without fluid speech, I felt, I would never measure up again.

To think that,-wow- I musta still lacked some brain cells.

Would I do some things differently? Yes. For one, my boss at the time, I would have let her be more open with my co-workers. Movie Man would have burden lifted off him. I didn't want folks to feel sorry for me. I tired for the look of 'is she going to keel over? (I still see that now) Or rush to my bedside. If things were worse, well yea. But they weren't.

I just wanted to get on with my life. Maybe that's what Star Jones wanted. To learn and get on with her new life.

Star says she grew spirituality. I second that emotion. My faith was tested. Did I have it or did I not?

When all was said and done, I realized my fear of fear itself and fear of disappointment was pointless. I knew where my strength came from.

And He didn't bring me this far to leave me.

Hope Star Jones gets that.

Something In Common: Oprah and Me

Outside of the fact we’re both Bronze Goddesses and have money in the bank. OK, so she has a few million more than I do-—maybe gazillions more—we both still have money in the bank. Oprah reads books, so back in 1998; I sent her a copy of my self- published book. I hoped she would read it, find it a grand story and want to produce it into play or film. Still haven’t heard from Oprah. Hmm. I’m sure my book remains in the envelope,covered in the rose potpourri I packed it with. See, rose potpourri was a tie into the story---kinda.

So what do Oprah and I have in common? Weight gain. I’m an emotional eater. Oprah might be one too. I just finished a bowl of mixed vegetables with some fake butter and a spot of light salad dressing, for SOME taste. How emotional is that? All in all, I admire Oprah on the admittance of re-gain.

In my case, this time a year ago, I began my quest to own my first house. I was so sure it wouldn’t happen. I barely had 4 quarters to rub together and my credit score was nowhere near 750—75 maybe, but not 750. Then the adventure, of what is my professional life, hit warp speed. Tombstone Supreme pizzas soon became one my bestest friends. Miraculously, my blood checks, because of my taking coumadin, stayed regulated. Staying faithful to my vitamin K intake and daily walks (until I moved—then walks disappeared too) were important to me.

I’d lost 70 pounds. Kept it off for awhile—just like Oprah. Regained 38. Oprah said she was embarrassed. I can so relate. My last doctor’s visit was my a-ha moment. Finally stepped on their scale. Thank goodness, I was at my cardiologist’s office, because I was sure a heart attack was near.

Now what?

Oprah and I know what we have to do. While we talk the talk, gotta walk it too. A couple miles—per day, at least. It’ll get done. However, am I gonna hide away, as I lose the weight, I lost once before? Not buy anything, because I’m not the size I want to be? Not get a new hair-do or whatever, because my face isn’t thin enough? Give up ice cream altogether?

Heck, no. There’s too much life to live and waiting for “When I…” wastes it.

So Oprah, call me if, Gayle is not available some time and you just need to chat.

The adventure begins.