February 26, 2006 was Sunday

It was not Oscar Sunday that year. However, it was a Sunday I do remember as a one of kind. I wondered if something was wrong enough with me that I should go to the hospital. Even tho I had a 'jolt' as I washed my hands in the ladies' room in my home church at the time. The 'jolt' was a enough I held the faucet for fear I would fall to the floor. "What was that?" I asked myself. I felt a little different, yet...

Nonetheless, I went to the sanctuary. Sat farther back than usual. Like close to the exit doors to be precise. I did not speak to anyone, I just smiled and nodded. Which looking back, seems ironic, because I knew a few people there. I tried to write out my check for offering. The numbers came out as large letters a child in kindergarten would muster "A" "C" "U". No numbers. I somehow managed to scribble my debit card number on the envelope after 3 tries to write out a check.

I still stay, even tho I couldn't say our devotional out loud. My mouth would not form the words. I made it thru the whole service, wondering why I was acting the way I was. I managed to walk the few steps to give my offering then I walked up the aisle and out the doors. Walked to my car, drove to the grocery store and got what I needed. Once home, I put away my groceries and I was too tired to get on the Internet (my PC was dial up then, so that could have been part of the problem :) I just lie on my bed all day and watched TV. Did not talk to anyone on the phone. Just pet my two cats.

And wondered if something had happened wrong enough I should go to the hospital.

In 2012, on this Sunday, I headed to my home church, Inspiring Body of Christ Church (IBOC) with Pastor Rickie Rush. I needed me some church today. Pastor Rush has taught from Exodus before, yet today I was touched more than I have been. Pastor spoke of Moses asking God why He had chosen Moses to lead. Moses said he himself was a slow speaker and not an eloquent speaker. God told Moses he would tell Moses what to say. All in all, Pastor Rush taught how God would use our weaknesses for His strength.

I believe that. Back in 2006, yes, something did happen wrong enough I went to the hospital the next day. A week went by in fear and wonder if my speech would ever be again with out slurs and skipping words in sentences. Would y speech be normal? Would people understand my words?

Since 2006, with my confidence being someone lack, my weakness has become my biggest strength for God's glory. Because of Him, people have complimented on my words and tone. . Some have urged me to speak more, while others want to know how I do it.

With God's goodness and mercy. I know no other way.

I am blessed.

February 28. 2006 was Tuesday

And on the morning of this day in 2006, I'd been wheelchaired to the 9th Floor, aka the Neurology Floor. I guess that meant I wasn't going home any time soon. A nurse came in and told me her name was Carolyn. In her arms were a gown and a breakfast tray. I hadn't eaten anything since the morning before. I reckoned the IV's stuck into my arm, during my wondrous stay in ER, amongst folks that coughed and gagged and nobody in my court even knew I was there, musta curbed any hunger I might had.

Hungry now tho. Carolyn told me to change into the gown-yea, I wasn't going anything where THAT day-and eat my breakfast. Carolyn said she'd be back in minute because she forget the thingy to take my blood pressure. I sat in defiance to not put on the hospital garb.

In a flash, Carolyn was back as I buttered my toast. As she pumped up the blood pressure cup, Carolyn said, "I bet you had a stroke. Uh-huh. I bet you did."

I stopped in mid-chew of my toast. What? After Carolyn's diagnosis and blood pressure check, she then ordered me to put on the gown.

Any appetite was gone. Carolyn left as a parade of doctors entered. A neurologist and his students stood before me. I heard clear speech in my head, unfortunately, it wasn't so clear coming from my mouth. The neurologist, who within 30 seconds I knew I couldn't stand, gave me simple directions to do--well, on a normal day anyway. Today wasn't so normal. I was informed I had a stroke and you want me to touch my nose with one hand and tug my ear with the other?

I couldn't do it. Then the doctor wanted me to say "Huckleberry". I heard him, but couldn't muster to say the word. Who says "huckleberry, " anyway? Due to my failure of those two non-Olympic tasks, the doctor figured I just couldn't understand the tests ahead for me.

Wrong.


OK. Fast forward to this day in 2010. Why is it Pastor Rickie Rush, of IBOC, had a message so right up my alley? How the gifts YOU think you have just effect you, while God's gifts to you effect everybody? Pastor used his desire to be a lawyer and started college as such, for an example. As he went on, he realize it wasn't what he was gifted with. I can so relate to that. I made a decision to go to not one, but two travel schools, because I loved geography and thought it would be cool to send folks traveling, if I couldn't do it myself.

Wrong.

Pastor Rush also spoke there may be a period of separation from those you may hold dear. But the thing is, they may stand in the way of your gift, because you do hold them so dear. You love them, yet they have issues with you trying to get somewhere. I instantly thought of three people, and thought of the separation between us. I fathomed it must be all for a good thing. And the woman beside me said I felt the message, I am anointed and remember God's arm is around me. Well, me thinks I need both arms...

Anyway, I got long winded and do not apologize for it. Got words in my mouth so I say 'em, because I can and there was a time I thought I never would again.

I am blessed.

Wonder on Wednesday

President Barack Obama spoke tonight. I appreciate his candor. I want his words to come true. The hopes and dreams I have for this country. I still have the audacity of hope. My prayers to the president, as they did for the former president, who lives cross town from me. Stay tuned.

Also, a few weeks ago I spoke of my across the street neighbor, Mr. Woods. How I'd not seen him since Thanksgiving. How his van was parked in a way he didn't usually park it. Since then, his van is no longer parked there. A light burns inside all day and all night. Mr Woods is not there. Turns out he suffered a stroke. All we know, he's out of the hospital, but don't know location. If in rehab or with family. I've missed his kids at the house, they seem to pull away when I drive up. I'm bound and determined to ask them about Mr. Wood. The street still doesn't feel as safe, without Mr. Wood on patrol.

I wonder about tomorrow. The adventure, good and/or bad tomorrow holds.

Stay tuned.

Sunday Short Stuff

Yep. I really mean it this time. Short sweet and to the point.

Sun gone down on this Sunday and what a grand day it was (and still is!). Got the Praise on at Inspiring Body of Christ Church. I've enjoyed the lesson of what my mission is, that Pastor Rickie Rush has given. How to utilize the gifts God has given me. I know my speech and my words are part of those gifts. Before I had that pesky little open heart surgery thing on March 14, 2006, I had symptoms of a stroke, My speech was effected with slurred and skipped words. I was more afraid of not speaking like myself ever again, than whatever the diagnosis was. Since then I've been awakened how my words, verbal and written, have made people feel. A working gift in progress. .

Then the Dallas Cowboys Shut OUT the Philadelphia Eagles 24-0! LOVE IT!

Same teams. Next Week. Same stadium. Can the Boyz beat the Donovan and his Eagles 3 times this season? It's gonna be hard--yet CAN be done!

Great, GREAT Sunday. Now for a bit more Blue Bell Ice Cream to savour!

See--short, sweet and to the point...

Kinda. :)

Thursday and Almost

Friday.

Call me vain. I like my new profile photo. Always hated getting my picture snapped due to forever having a crooked mouth. That was due to being born with microtia (one ear) and missing some bone and such on the left side of my face. And then when I had the stroke that wasn't a stroke, right before I had the little open-heart surgery adventure-the side of my mouth drooped some. Still kinda does. Paranoid, at times, I am about it.

Then I see my profile pic. I look happy in this photo. As I am flat broke. 100 cats (well, not really). Wish for a new, and better house buying experience--or maybe I just want a clean house? Or a wish for a written and finished finished novel by ME. And a business to call my own. And to tickle a cute kitty's tummy. All good.

And in new profile photo I appear like I have all that and more.

Yep. Call me vain. I like it.

I am blessed.

Star Thursday Thought

Watched the Oprah episode about weight loss, with Valerie Bertinelli, Marie Osmond and Star Jones. Granted, Star Jones was a story everybody wanted to hear yet, knowing about Valerie and Marie for years, I would have liked them to have more time.

I digress.

Back to Star. I'm still not as big of an admirer as I first was, however I liked her more after watching her this time, than I did--say, on Larry King after she left The View. I pretty much quit watching The View because of her. Tired of the wedding stuff, etc. But today, was different.

Star's talk of not letting anybody know she had gastric bypass. How she wasn't strong enough to face her fears. Possibly disappointing people. All that reminded me of me and my open-heart surgery. Not everybody knew what was wrong with me to be in the hospital. In fact, when I went back to work, some folks thought I had gastric bypass because I'd lost so much weight (and since gained half of it back--drat!) Some of the folks I grew up, with didn't know. I also realized, like Star said about her The View comrades, how much of a burden she put on them to keep her confidence.

And I did that to Movie Man. I didn't realize how much burden was on him. I'm forever sorry for that. And I've told him so. Didn't give him as much thought for what he felt, as I should have as IV's were pumped into my veins. Heaven knows I had enough time on my hands. Co-workers knew we were close, so he would know the truth. I was being selfish. I wanted to be the one to tell them my illness, plus I didn't want a lot of 'there, there' around me.

Yes, indeed, you WANT folks to be there for you. They're scared--maybe more than you realize. In fact one of my closest chums told me recently how she thought she would lose me. I never knew. Sometimes though, the visitors can tire you out when you need rest. I'm blessed for everyone--they were there in a shade drawn moment of my life.

Back to my point, Star said she would disappoint folks if they found out. I wondered if I thought that. And I did. Not with the surgery--oh heck, that was a piece of cake. Nope. I was petrified, when I first went into the hospital and my speech was interrupted.

I'd had the stroke that wasn't a stroke from the piece of endocarditis broke off and traveled to my brain. My neurologist said it caused my brain to burp--but that was a few days after my speech cleared up. But before--oh man--I was devastated if I could not communicate as I once did. I was known for my speech, my mannerisms and now I was scared it would all be gone. I sat in that hospital and feared I would always be able to understand folks (and I could) but to reply would be slurred and/or I'd miss a word in a sentence.

For instance, the doc would say "have a nice day." And I would respond: "have a day." I'd hear them, but my brain wasn't quite there. During that time I thought I would not be good for much. What could I do if I couldn't talk? That's when I wasn't strong enough to tell others outside of my circle, because I wasn't the same. Their memories of me were fun lovin, do anything she wanted and hey, it's party because she's here. Without fluid speech, I felt, I would never measure up again.

To think that,-wow- I musta still lacked some brain cells.

Would I do some things differently? Yes. For one, my boss at the time, I would have let her be more open with my co-workers. Movie Man would have burden lifted off him. I didn't want folks to feel sorry for me. I tired for the look of 'is she going to keel over? (I still see that now) Or rush to my bedside. If things were worse, well yea. But they weren't.

I just wanted to get on with my life. Maybe that's what Star Jones wanted. To learn and get on with her new life.

Star says she grew spirituality. I second that emotion. My faith was tested. Did I have it or did I not?

When all was said and done, I realized my fear of fear itself and fear of disappointment was pointless. I knew where my strength came from.

And He didn't bring me this far to leave me.

Hope Star Jones gets that.

March 14, 2006 was Tuesday

I remember it well. Sorta.
The day of my open heart surgery to repair or replace my heart's mitral valve.
I was to be transported to the sister hospital where the heart surgeries were done.
The paramedics who were to do the transporting were an hour late.
The nurse to sign me in and get started in the prep was not happy.
Turns out the paramedics didn't start work until the hour they were suppose to pick me up.
I was just happy to get a dose of fresh air for the first time in almost two weeks.
Made it through the surgery unscathed.
In fact a nurse boasted how I tried to wake up faster than any one she'd ever seen.
Of course--I wanted OUT.
That night, my TV in ICU was on American Idol. I dozed off and on-mostly off.
Hooked up to every machine like from the Starship Enterprise.
The next morning around 7 am, a physical therapist told me I was going for a short walk.
Sure. Well, we did--with catheter and another jug hooked up to my belly to collect fluids.
My best friend announced my surgeon had said I'd probably have to stay 6-8 weeks.
Because of this 'stroke' which wasn't a stroke, per the neurologist, I had.
Don't think so. Surgery was Tuesday. By Saturday, I was asked how I felt about going home.
Don't to ask me again.
Fast forward to this day in 2009.
As Movie Man was there for me in 2006, he was there for me today.
Quite the adventure we had today--from morning til past sundown.
Rode the train to Ft Worth.

Laughed. Walked. Did a movie. Laughed more. Basked in the moments.
After dinner, back in Dallas, headed to his place to walk the dogs Movie Man's dog sitting for.
By this time it was dark. Couldn't see much.
To finish up the day Movie Man proved once again how he's a true friend.
He washed the dog poo off my shoe.
If not for my date with a surgeon 3 years ago, coupled with my trust in the One most High.
I would not have had today.
I am blessed.

March 13, 2006 was Monday

You remember it well.
Twas the eve of your open-heart surgery.
To repair or replace your heart's mitral valve.
You didn't even know such a thing existed.
Only until much blood, tests and x-rays were taken.
Even then your neurologist said, "There's nothing wrong with you. Why are you here?"
But there were lesions on your brain. Why?
Endocarditis.
A disease you never knew existed until that moment.
That's what you get for no grade "A" in 6th Grade Life Science.
Bored, yet eager to get on with it.
Had to wait 6 days til your date with the surgeon.
Sat in the hospital. Made friends with nurses and some doctors.
Chums call and visit. Flowers arrive.
The last person to see you this night was Movie Man.
He stayed until 9 pm or so.
You walk him to the elevator, your arm thru his.
Movie Man has on real clothes, while you in faded, hospital gowns.
Would pay ransom to have on real clothes and leave this place.
Tears and fright cloud Movie Man's eyes.
You smile to console and reassure him that
You'll see him soon.
A hug seals the deal and Movie Man gets on the elevator.
You tell him again that you'll be OK.
Your eyes lock as the doors close.
You stand still and wipe your own eyes.
Then turn and walk back to your room.
You repeat your mantra: Psalms 50:15
Promise to give Him all your troubles.
He will rescue you.
Just give Him the glory.
Tomorrow life will change
You are blessed.

February 28, 2006 was Tuesday

Remember it well. After spending all of the 27th day and night in the ER, and having a MRI or was it a CT scan?--it doesn't matter I had them both--first thing the morning of the 28th, I was taken to a 9th floor room in the hospital. "Neurology: was on a sign to welcome me. My speech was hit, miss and slurred. Once in my room, a nurse figured I'd had a stroke. She told me this as she put down my breakfast tray, gown and readied me for an IV.

Petrified.

At that point, nobody knew where I was. Looking back, I had an emergency contact. My best friend. She was not notified.

The stroke, was not really a stroke, yet a symptom of endocardities. A piece of that infection broke off and traveled to my brain. My brain burped as the Neuro Doc said, hence my speech became hit,miss and slurred.

The endocarditis damaged my mitral valve-until this adventure I had no idea we even had such a thing-so it needed to be replaced. My scar reminds me everyday.

I left the hospital on March 24, 2006

Fast forward to 2009. I'm headed to Winstar Casino in Oklahoma. To try my luck on the penny slots---yea, I live dangerously--

Some folks think I already have.

I am blessed.