Then

As I drove home, after pretty much planted in my work seat all day today, I knew needed to do something. I recalled my visit to my cardiologist a week ago, this very day, for my six month check up. After the pesky open-heart surgery, in 2006, things I never thought would ever be in my repertoire are now life long routines. I'll talk about all that, as the anniversary grows closer--not today.

My Heart Doc, is great. Love her. She's just a couple years younger than me, and has a 21 year old cat. Yes, we've bonded. Even if she's about a size 8, and looks like a young Susan Lucci.

I digress. So anyway, first thing Heart Doc tells me is, "You need to exercise more." I stare at her. How did SHE know I'd not being as religious to my exercise as I once was?

My ECHO (ultrasound of my heart), Heart Doc says, "It told on you." Went on to say, we need to make sure my heart muscle is as strong as it can be. I sat there, on the bench/bed thing, just furious at myself. Being the sweet person she is, Heart Doc tried to encourage me. God bless her.

I can only blame me for not walking the at least 5 days out 7, or the not biking, and let's not even mention racquetball or the dance classes I desire to take. Now, I've been doing my 74 ounces of water, however there's not been enough motion to eat up the calories, some good and not so good, I chow per day. I know better. I remember those IV's stuck in my hand. Can't blame anybody--'cept me.

So back to the main thought of this tale, hey, I know I get a bit long winded--it's the writer in me..:) And if anything I write makes you chuckle--I'm glad, because it's suppose to. OKOKOK, So as I drove home, before I even got home, I pulled into the park up the street from my house and parked.

Got out and walked around the park. No excuse since I had on my tennyshoes, and it is a nice path--inclines, flat, ducks, pond and trees-nice. Kinda chilly, so had my gloves on too. Scooted around the path. Felt good to do it. Needed to do it.

Already set tomorrow's date to do it again.

My heart deserves it.

Stay tuned.

Thursday Thought

Stepped on the scale. Sets firm where I was the other day. Hmm. Since I had a sinus/cold thing going on, I didn't head to the rec center to exercise. And I can feel it. Now I feel more like me. So back to that daily routine. Can tell inches have melted-and I like that.

And I guzzled my 74 ounces of water yesterday and will today.

In the meantime, I got to thinking bout an old love of mine. In fact, I've mentioned him a few times on the blog. Bear--is what I call him. Hit me in recent times how much of a grump o' Bear he's turned out to be! See, he got ticked how I wrote stuff on his Facebook Wall and didn't think to ask HIM if it was OK. Really? It's FACEBOOK-not some secret code spot for the FBI (is it?) What do you do on FACEBOOK? Oh, it was rated G stuff, like "When ya gonna post a pic?"

Even if you're networking--you write on Walls. Well, when this little ditty sunk in, and after I asked Bear if he instructed other friends to ask permission to scipt on his Wall (which I've yet to receive a response), I had an a-ha moment. How it's all about control. His over me.

Makes sense. In all the time we've known each other, Bear has always been so pissed at me. For just about everything. And me? I thought we could work out anything. Heck, love was a many splendored thing. Bear thought so too--if he ruled all the roost. Now, I'm all for the man being head of the household. However, that doesn't mean you're always mad when I quite never do what you think I should and >gasp!<>

That happened alot. Which was alot of the problem.

Oh well. When you have those a-ha moments, you mix a sliced banana and mix with Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream. Trick is to have just a few spoonfuls of ice cream--not a PINT, like I use to do-at one sitting. While that cures what ails you-let a cat nap in your lap.

Priceless.

Knock Down

"You're such doll. And would be such a knock out, if you lost some weight."

These words were uttered yester-decade, specifically the 1980's. It was also the last time I paid attention to it.

A co-worker, a woman I bonded with over our $4.67 per hour part time job at now defunct airline and since forgot her name, spit this gem out after I poured out my heart. Over what? Well, a man, of course. His name was Frank and he painted houses. We'd met at a local bar and danced the night away. By the dawn of a new day, I was smitten. Would Frank call? So my co-worker listened as my cup runneth over and then she pour salt in my wound.

When she first said it, believe it or not, I agreed. My friends today would gasp in disbelief. Hey it was the 80's and my confidence-o-meter wasn't quite so high! Amazingly I squeaked, "I am a knock out!" The co-worker looked at me while I gave her a quick glance. What had I done? I didn't really half believe it myself. Somehow, I promised myself never an implication of if I was thinner then I'd be so-so pretty would be said in my air space again.

And it hasn't. At least to my face.

I believe you can look good and feel good at any size. IF you have the positive confidence/attitude and choose to take the time. Big Girl clothes just aren't polyester muu-muu's anymore. To lose weight is to help my overall health. Having the open-heart surgery in 2006, brought me to reality. My temple is a miraculous thing. I want to keep it this way. No visions of size 4 dance in my head, yet I know a healthier me accentuates my already positive. Age and wisdom also help, with a touch of God's mercy. :)

It ain't easy. Anything that's good ain't ever easy. Makes it worthwhile.

Since I thought of this guy Frank, here's the song that even to this day, makes me smile at the thought of him. Frank did paint houses: John Mellencamp's Pink Houses!

Drop Will Dew You

Water.

Yea, H20--the most unexciting beverage ever. Gone are my days of doing whiskey shots followed by gulps of water. That's a whole 'nother post for another time. :)

Sure, Dr. Pepper or 7-11's Mocha Iced Coffee or Kool-aid or brewed, not instant strawberry mango iced tea would be more fun than plain jane glass of water. And since water is the main ingredient in those beverages, all must be right.

Wrong. Your temple (which is your body and the word I'll use from now on) needs it. Craves it. Keeps your temple's architecture in pristine order.

I drink water. Plain. Straight up from the tap. Everyday, even on weekends, when the routine is a bit different. See, I have this 74 ounce plastic jug from Wal-mart. Drink one of those puppies a day-and you're set. My co-workers watch me fill it up each day and somebody always asks, "You drink all of that?" Yep. I do.

Hey, it took me while to devour such an amount. Ain't easy. Something that doesn't taste good is never easy. Water, I'll drink. Asparagus never crosses my lips. But ya know, to drink water does fill your tummy up. And I don't mean a little Dixie cup full. An 8 ounce glass before you munch on something.

Beware you don't put yourself in denial. Even tho you KNOW you're full, you think something will be missed, like the goodness of a bunch of peanut butter criss cross cookies that sit before you. Good they would be, but sugar crash ain't worth it and you'll be mad at yourself in the morning. Unless Brad Pitt is part of the picture, the cookies stay where they are.

You hate water? Me too. Nothing like a squeezed lemon or orange to give it a little zip. There's stuff you can add, to make it go down easier. Just make sure a cup of sugar isn't one of the ingredient. Nobody said it would be easy. Nothing that's good ever is. Water is dull. So is paying your electric bill--yet you do it. Why? Because you have to or you have a think for kerosene lamps. Water is the same thing. You learn to do it. Every day.

And I put both my feet on the scale and stared. Smiled a bit as a smaller number inches into view. Not bad.

Water. Try it. Really does 'dew' a body good.

Two

Inches. Count em. Two.
Measured my hips this morn and two inches were gone. Outta here.
Thrilled me!
Don't get me wrong. I love my hips--like I've said, always been and will be a full figured girl
Yet, my hips needed some help. Weren't lookin as good as I wanted them to
See, after the initial shock of weight gain instead of weight loss,
Since my recent exercise regimen-yea, it is common, but that doesn't thrill me.
Noticed my hips had changed.
Had to have a reason to not eat ALL the dee-lishus pint of Blue Bell Cookies n Cream ice cream
Yet could still savor a few spoonfuls-
Instead of my step on the scale and then my scream loud enough for neighbors to hear-
To measure said hips became the decision
There was a visible difference-even if I didn't have on my glasses or my contacts in
A difference--maybe not to anyone else, yet to ME!
When I wrapped the tape around my hips
Swore wouldn't pull it so tight circulation would be cut off
Nope. Honest wrap around
Two inches gone
Thrilled me!
Listen to poet Lucille Clifton while she gives Homage to My Hips
Because this is how it oughta be!

Wonder

Why you just can't wake up and pounds can be gone from your body? The exercise and less food are working. In fact, during lunch yesterday one of my co-workers asked if my 'rabbit food' would satisfy me. Too funny. I munched on a Healthy Choice meal. Sure, it wasn't all pasta, garlic bread and tiramisu--yet it was good.

To lose weight is like when you gain weight--it doesn't happen over night. I try to not be angry at myself that it happened at all. When I lost all those 70 lbs in 2006--I just KNEW it wasn't coming back. I loved swimming in my clothes. I knew I would always be a full figured girl, but being a healthier full figured girl was my goal.

And I stuck to it until I realized I had to start this new chapter.

Stay tuned.

To Do List

After work, I headed to the 'senior' recreation center I joined yesterday. Wanted to stationery bike, treadmill and read before American Idol. Well, if I'd paid attention, I would have noticed the hours, painted in BIG letters on the door: Closed on Wednesdays. UGH. Gives me all the more gumption to hit it hard tomorrow.

Until last night, I've not biked or tread since I moved to the house in April 2008. Spoke of getting my own treadmill and bike--looked at some at the Salvation Army, yet never did. More afraid of the things not having any warranty left. You have 10 days to take stuff back, but my luck it would happen on the 11th. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it. The sweat from my brow confirmed I was doing something right. Felt good to do something for me.

Then I stood in the Wal-mart check out line. A lady two spots ahead of me, was upset because of a price difference. The lady's voice raised louder when a manager cover, so gave me enough time to read Kirstie Alley's article about her weight re-gain in People. I'd caught Kirstie on Oprah a week or so ago and for the first time in a long time I liked her.

Part of never got over the fact Kirstie got the chance to fly around the galaxy and question Captain Kirk about his cheating in The Wrath of Khan. Then Kirstie wasn't in the next Star Trek: The Search For Spock. I never really forgave her. Yea, I watched some "Cheers', but bitter I was. But on Oprah and then read the words Kirstie said made me think: "We are one."

I lost 70 pounds. Kept if off for a good long time. Then when my trek to buy a house coupled with my job going loopy, I quit counting the number of Pringles Potato Crisps to pack in my lunch. Always been an emotional eater. Sometimes not even really knowing what I ate--just did because.

So more than half was re-gained. Not all. But enough. I relate to Kirstie's story alot. I've always been curvy--yet I started to have more of it. Hips. That's where all my fluffiness is. Can squeeze into some of my clothes. Heck, I threw out my 'fat' clothes. Wasn't gonna need em anymore. Was 100% sure of that--just like Kirstie.

And I didn't go back to fast food. I mean, if I ate anything fried, it was maybe twice a month. And that's when I'd splurge and go the best burger place in Dallas: Burger Island. My cholesterol went down so much, my cardiologist lowered my cholesterol medicine! So how did I gain weight?

Well, I may not fry much of anything-but Chinese food was a downfall. And of course ice cream, instead of just a few spoonfuls to soothe, empty Blue Bell pints started to pile up (I'm back to spoonfuls, not the whole pint. I canNOT and willNOT give up all my Blue Bell!) . At work, BOREDOM was my name so bag of peanut M & M's because my friends. Now the thing is, when I had my surgery in 2006 it took me until 2008, to eat a full vendor size bag of M & M's.

But like Kirstie, I quit exercise. Sure, I'd play racquetball with Movie Man, yet it wasn't a weekly ritual. My friend Maria and I would play weekly, until personal things in her life prevented her from having our racquetball night. Once I moved, I realized how convenient my apartment's work out room was. Five out of seven days, I either walked the park, hit the work out room, and had one night for racquetball. All that was pretty much gone when I closed on my house. You can eat a rice cake, but if you don't do some good for your body--it doesn't matter.

I blame me. I wanted that convenience of the equipment close and the park trail where I could rest on my Forrest Gump bench. Well, a year later as my knees ache, my belly bigger, the cute shirts I wore even a summer ago don't even button, and don't want to give my heart any extra work to do--I finally got off my duff.

Exercise matters. Alot.

And so I joined the senior recreation center in my city. Why there? I finally admitted to myself, I have hit their age requirement of 50 and get discounts. Swallowed my pride and did it. My knees begged me to. And, well, because the prices are half of the other rec centers, including those a couple minutes closer to me. The gorgeous building, and ton of the activities from the gym, ballroom dancing to canoe rides (I might have to think about, but this is about getting out of the box!) and swimming.

Even tho the gym was closed today, the pool was open. OK. I'm scared of water. Well, I can't swim is more like it. And I don't want my hair to get wet. Last night there were about 30 folks there doing water aerobics. All ages. The pool is always open. The one swim teacher said last night, it's easy on your knees. Soo...

When I was in the hospital, in 2006, I was so surprised how much grub they gave me. What I realized, the food was good for me. Fruits and/or veggies with every meal. I practiced that at home until-hey, I said I counted the numbers of Pringles to pack for my lunch. I was serious.

I am one to love yourself, no matter what stage you're in of your life. I'm OK with being a big girl, just want to be less of one. More so due to my heart. I want to do what I can to not have my heart go through another surgery. One scar is plenty.

I'm over Kirstie not being in The Search for Spock. Even tho if she had been, the Search would have been much more entertaining. We both have a To Do List. All about lifestyle change. Eat the good stuff, exercise and drink water...To Do.

Stay tuned.

Something In Common: Oprah and Me

Outside of the fact we’re both Bronze Goddesses and have money in the bank. OK, so she has a few million more than I do-—maybe gazillions more—we both still have money in the bank. Oprah reads books, so back in 1998; I sent her a copy of my self- published book. I hoped she would read it, find it a grand story and want to produce it into play or film. Still haven’t heard from Oprah. Hmm. I’m sure my book remains in the envelope,covered in the rose potpourri I packed it with. See, rose potpourri was a tie into the story---kinda.

So what do Oprah and I have in common? Weight gain. I’m an emotional eater. Oprah might be one too. I just finished a bowl of mixed vegetables with some fake butter and a spot of light salad dressing, for SOME taste. How emotional is that? All in all, I admire Oprah on the admittance of re-gain.

In my case, this time a year ago, I began my quest to own my first house. I was so sure it wouldn’t happen. I barely had 4 quarters to rub together and my credit score was nowhere near 750—75 maybe, but not 750. Then the adventure, of what is my professional life, hit warp speed. Tombstone Supreme pizzas soon became one my bestest friends. Miraculously, my blood checks, because of my taking coumadin, stayed regulated. Staying faithful to my vitamin K intake and daily walks (until I moved—then walks disappeared too) were important to me.

I’d lost 70 pounds. Kept it off for awhile—just like Oprah. Regained 38. Oprah said she was embarrassed. I can so relate. My last doctor’s visit was my a-ha moment. Finally stepped on their scale. Thank goodness, I was at my cardiologist’s office, because I was sure a heart attack was near.

Now what?

Oprah and I know what we have to do. While we talk the talk, gotta walk it too. A couple miles—per day, at least. It’ll get done. However, am I gonna hide away, as I lose the weight, I lost once before? Not buy anything, because I’m not the size I want to be? Not get a new hair-do or whatever, because my face isn’t thin enough? Give up ice cream altogether?

Heck, no. There’s too much life to live and waiting for “When I…” wastes it.

So Oprah, call me if, Gayle is not available some time and you just need to chat.

The adventure begins.