Sunday, May 10, 2015

A Daughter WithOut Mom on Mother's Day

To avoid the greeting card aisle filled with nothing but Mother’s Day cards, rivaled my loveless affair with liver and onions. Even as I zoomed past cards, I swear the words, “To My Dear Mother,” screamed after  me.  As people picked out the most perfect Mother’s Day card, envy, not blood, flowed through my veins.

Did these people know how blessed they were?

My mother died from yellow liver atrophy almost three months to the day after elective  surgery. Mom was forty-three years old and I just thirteen. Death robbed Mom of her life. Death robbed me from a life of having a mother.  In a blink of an eye, the new normal became my dad and me.  Even at thirteen years old, I wondered how we would survive. Mom never hesitated to spank me, yet I would endure thousands spanks a day, if God would bring her back.

My simple ice cream filled world melted. No more Mom and me, ‘girls only’ nights when Dad worked late. Mom  drove as far as time and ice cream took us. We sang, mostly off key, to songs blasted from the car radio.  No more would I watch Mom put on eyeshadow and wonder if I would ever be as pretty. Her death made Mother’s Day became just another Sunday without football.

For twenty years, I let mom’s death become the blame for my stumbles. My confidence waned as I doubted my self worth. Mom had my first and best cheerleader. She was my nurturer and strongest female I knew.  And now my mother was gone.

Even though life moved on,  I so lagged behind.  Somehow I had to deal and learn from her death, because I wanted to live my own.  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of not being able to change the past. I had to embrace her death and move on.  I went to the bible and God’s Word opened my mind with Psalms 121 (NIV): “I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?”

No longer, do  I avoid the Mother’s Day card aisle.  Like everyone else, I hunt for the perfect card.  How can I not show thanks to the woman who said at the end of each day with “Mama love”?  As  we savored
ice cream, this woman explained  how  a girl’s bloom into a young lady should not be scary, yet celebrated.  So I  smile with memories abound and sign my chosen Mother’s Day card. It is then tucked away with the others.

Although our life together was just thirteen years, that life was more valuable than rubies. My mother’s spirit dances within me every second, every minute of  every day. I am truly blessed.  I know  we’ll see each other again. Our laughter and songs will once again  fill the air, with some ice cream for good measure. Praise God.


PS. And the photo is my mom and me :)
#Mother's Day

Monday, January 6, 2014

On the 6th Day

I tried to pull up carpet. By myself. Well, cut up one piece at a time.  How'd I do?

Failed--with a capital F.

OK, caught a YouTube video of a young lady cutting up her carpet. Her, dogs had done doggy stuff on the carpet--and just had to come up.

I could relate because cats rule my chateau--they've been ill or their litter box wasn't to their liking, and beside the carpet, which was in the house when I bought it in 2008,  was a light color I never liked--ya know, the carpet showed everything!  :( So up it has to come.

Underneath there is some orangish reddish tile with dark freckles. I'm sure it was a really hot pattern...once, in some previous century...Yet, the more I gandered at it--one of my rooms, where my desktop PC resides, is not carpeted. This tile (or is it linoleum?)  is throughout  the room. Honestly, I thought the tile could be something I would buy. Why? Because the color is different, and I like different.

The orangish reddish color would be pretty all shined up, with color compliments on walls, pillows-yea, even if took me forever to cut up the carpet, I would be empowered, I got giddy and would have been giddy-er--only if the...

CORRECT carpet cutting knife was in my possession. I bought a cheapy one, OK, I spent a dollar on it. Yes, a buck.  Roll your eyes. Reprimand me. Take away my Skippy's Natural Honey Roasted Peanut Butter. In my moment the surge to be empowered..

My buck utility knife marked just a line in the carpet I know so want gone. Pressed down, hard. Nothing,  but a line. A cat thought the line in the carpet was fun to bat.

At least the cat was thrilled.

Stay tuned.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

....and it begins!

Psalm 20:4-5

New Century Version (NCV)

May he give you what you want
    and make all your plans succeed,

and we will shout for joy when you succeed,
    and we will raise a flag in the name of our God.
May the Lord give you all that you ask for.

Start up your engines!