Bittersweet Memory...

 This song reminds me of one particular man, who I'll call 43. Yep, 43 and it is not his age, but the number on his high school football jersey. To top it all off, I would say the 43 in French, so nobody knew what a couple of  freshman girls were giggling at.  OK, to fast forward about 100 years from high school, 43 and I reconnected at a high school reunion. And this song was one of his favorites.  Honestly, I hadn't made much attention, yet 43 jacked up the radio, sang along with it, and told me to sing too. Well, some gifts I admit, I do NOT have. :)

43 and I had a short lived relationship. The fact we lived a few states away from each other didn't help matters any.  Everything I hear this song I still think of him. More so, in the last few days even tho, we've not spoken in a couple years.  I found his mother passed away recently, and her funeral is today in our Iowa hometown. His mother thought I was OK, until she thought we might really be in love. The fact 43 was white and I was a gorgeous bronze shade didn't help matters any either. :)

On this day, I think of 43 and his family. I pray they remember the good memories of their mother and rejoice their parents are now re-united.

Life is a precious thing.

Saturday Short...

Ever have one them days that something reminds you of someone from your past?

And you recently tried to reach out to them with a no reach back. You were OK with that, because you tried.

However, then today you see that something and thought, "Maybe I oughta try again...." As you munch your lunch while reading an article how women took risks to follow their passions--and never looked back.

Your lunch tasted better, the wait staff was great, you leave a tip and close the magazine.

And smile.

There is no reason to look back for. If the past is interested in today and tomorrow, he'll step forward and try to catch up to you...

Sunday Show Down

The beauty of a cat's love is it is pretty unconditional. Yea, I know the cat nay-sayers would so say "NAY". However us cat lovers know different.***Too bad our human relationships aren't so. They should be. Even as a Woman of Faith it can be hard. What am I getting at? Well, today Pastor Rickie Rush of Inspiring Body of Christ Church, here in Dallas, spoke how people in our lives act when WE go thru a crisis. Not them. US. What a crisis means to them and to us. How a crisis actually strenghtens the one going thru it. A crisis also reveals what was already there. Good and bad.****The good is knowing you have friends that will see you thru. The bad is they hi-tail the minute it's more than a cold you have. Oh, sure they may hand you a tissue . Then they say they're going to the drug store to pick more up....and you never see them again. Friends cannot carry your burden/cross, yet the true friends will wait at the tomb until you come out.*****Pastor we can worry so much about a good person leaving our lives, we don't concentrate on the not so good ones, that we care for, yet they don't do anything for us. Been there. Even got the t-shirt. ******This happened when I had my little open heart surgery a few years ago. The man I loved enough to marry (I thought) his name is Bear--I've blogged about him-wound up asking me twice (or was it three times?) to forgive him for not being there for me. He wasn't either. He thought I was being untrue about my prognosis. He said he 'knew me'....he didn't. He said I lived too far away to bring me some strawberries, when he knew I couldn't drive and couldn't walk more than 10 mins before I had to sit down. Yet, he would take someone else he knew cross town in an ice storm, with plastic over one car window. I lived closer. And it was a clear day.*******Then I think of Movie Man--I've blogged about us too. He was THERE every step of the way. He was the last person I saw, the night before surgery. He brought me home from the hospital. My birthday was a couple weeks after I got to go home. I still couldn't drive and barely could last past 7 pm. He made sure I had a birthday. He came to get me. Helped me walk thru the places we went. And when I had to give myself my daily I-V, which looked like a lemon. We sat in a parking lot of a grocery store. Movie Man drank his Mountain Dew, I gave myself my I-V and wondered would my life go toward the better. He made sure I didn't over do it. I know it was a scarey time for him, yet Movie Man was there. Bear, I wanted to be there--he chose not to.********Fast forward to today. Neither man is in my life. As Pastor Rush preached today, I thought so much about both Bear and Movie Man. So different they are of each other. Age. Skin color. Yet they both did care for me--in their own way. It just didn't seem to be what I absolutely needed. ***The theme Pastor Rush preaches is "At This Level"--how some folks may not 'get you' and they may not want you to change. Why? Because they can't handle it. People that are called to you never leave. The folks that aren't-- never stay. The thing is, how to know the difference?

That's a God thing***After I pray, I'm gonna pet a cat.

Second Saturday

As I drove back from the grocery store with my old fashioned carton of oatmeal (you cook it on the stove), sack of navel oranges and loaf of 100% whole wheat bread, in my eco-friendly reusable bag, this song came on the radio and I smiled.

A million Saturdays ago, there is no way I'd be coming home from the grocery at 8 pm, because I'd be too busy getting ready to go out dancing and parytin' at 10pm. I would usually be meeting my beloved, Comic Book there (I've written about him before). One time we got into some hell-ish fight over probably I wouldn't eat the cow tongue he fixed or I just couldn't accept he really 'wasn't cheating' one me because THAT meant nothing, or the fact he was so jealous of my KC chum. OK, Comic Book and KC Chum hated each other..alot..and that will be another post...maybe, anyway-Comic Book and I weren't speaking.

Back to the song, the first bars blast from the speakers. Comic Book had been on the other side of the bar. He bounced over to me, took my hand and said, "I forgive you" and pulled me to the dance floor. All was love and kisses until about Monday, I'm sure.

Anyway, tonight as I drove home, I bopped my head to the beat of the music. Still a good song after all these years. I looked at my eco-friendly bag filled with stuff I never would've touched those million Saturdays ago. And I smiled.

These second Saturdays aren't bad at all.

1/1/11

Kinda says it all, huh?
Ya know, on this first day of the New Year, I've already been in deep thought. Scary thought, ain't it?

On New Year's Eve night, I went to church, as so did the other four thousand or so that showed up at the Inspiring Body of Christ. Praise, with a touch of the Word, and a whole lot of party. A friend of mine went with me and enjoyed himself too. Although we walked out of church at 1:30 this morning. Still a half hour drive to my house, and another half hour to his. We'll see if he forgives me for that!

On with my deep thought--during the Word, Pastor Rush spoke of how not to fail, and one of the steps was "Let go of the past." Easier said than done. Once I got home, I'd promised two cats they could go outside and eat grass after the New Year. So at 2:15 AM, I'm in my backyard, cold, watching cats eat grass and saying my annual New Year's Give Thanks and Ask prayer. This was about the let go of the past.

I couldn't let past experiences, more so people, especially one in particular, hinder me from moving forward. The truth really being, which is bittersweet to admit, was the person I thought of, was really in the past. I hated to know. See, as New Year's Eves passed, I would think of this man. The romantic in me, hoped after 100 years he would realize his love for me, kinda like When Harry Met Sally...On one New Year's Eve, this man wrote a poem to me. I feel in love with the man who wrote it. The problem was, this man didn't continue to be the writer of the poem.

In my real world tho, Billy Crystal won't come running up to me. Nope, in my world, the reality is I've grown to know the past was just that, yet can still be a smile of a memory. I know for him it is too. And that's enough.

1/1/11 A brand New Year. Let's get the party started!

I am blessed.

Somewhere Down The Road

Me and Barry Manilow. Yep. Still carrying on a thing with his older stuff and poofy hair. Barry doesn't know it tho. Just having a time remembering how much Barry's music stayed with me.

Especially the people I associate with the music. Honestly, I rarely listen to lyrics. Friends have called me me on the carpet because I don't. I lack heart I've been told. Naw. I'm the most hopeless romantic sap you'll ever know. I'd give you a card just because it's Tuesday.

I digress.

A song has just gotta hit me just right to get all into it. And yes, Barry Manilow is one of those singers with words got to me. Just like this song "Somewhere Down The Road." And back in the day, whenever this song came on contacts floated out of my eyes because the river of tears. Yes, they did. A lot.

This song was during my second stint in Kansas City. Attended a travel school which flew away with my money. That's whole another post. Anyway, I'd make almost weekly jaunts back to Des Moines, about 200 miles away. Not so much to see the family, even tho I got descent meals, but to see chums.

This was mid 80's, and well....I had places to go, people to see--one in particular. I liked him. He liked me. In fact we're friendly to this day. Chums on Facebook even. Never joined at the hip, yet joined in occasional lip locks. This was the 80's. Even now, I just smiled about him.

The first line of this song just sums it all up: We had the right love and the wrong time.

So sweet and nice while it lasted.

Barry Manilow--what kind of pie do you like? I owe YOU!

Toast of Tuesday

That's what my Blue Bell Peaches and Homemade Ice Cream will be--

Just a smidge of an update. Yesterday, I wrote about how Bear's, my ex, Facebook page said he was married. Then by the time I came home last night Bear's page was gone. There's also been no response to my text. of congrats. I am still kinda sorta surprise I've heard nothing, yet I'm kinda sorta not. I just hope Bear's happy.

Ya know, in recent times, two relationships meant alot to me. Bear and Movie Man, another I'd posted about. They were/are two totally different men yet more alike than I realized. If there was way to merge em together, I'd have the most perfect man--well, except Bear hated cats and Movie Man liked them, but was allergic. So the 'perfect man' would need to like cats and take allergy pills or shots--

I digress.

These two knew of each other. Bear and Movie Man even met. We all laughed and it was a fun moment in time. We even tried to start our own writers' group--which just lasted one time. I still have the papers they wrote that one and only time. They may have been jealous of each other in a dizzy kind of way. Bear and Movie Man both knew what one man gave me, the other man wouldn't or couldn't.

The main thing is I loved them both. And now both are out of my life. For awhile, actually. When enough was enough of me being mad at myself (not them) for my actions, I realized it was time to close the chapter. If we should ever cross paths again, we'd have our past and it's OK to visit--I just can't stay there. We would basically start all over to know each other now. And realize it all can't be like before. I would get made at myself all over again...

My smidge became more of a smudge.

Oh well.

Blue Bell Peaches and Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream makes a smidge, smudge smile-

So 'cuse me, my bowl awaits to runneth over!

Soothe

That's what the rain did today. Soothed. And still kinda does as I type this.

Today the last song I hear on the radio as I pulled into Inspiring Body of Church's parking lot, was the classic "The Closer I Get To You" with Roberta Flack and the late, great Donny Hathaway. I hurried to my seat, because it was close to service time and Bear is the last person I pass to get to one. Bear was ready to give the group prayer. After Bear finished, I told him how good it is to hear him do prayer--Bear beamed. And said what I truly believe, "It's all God." Did I ever say Bear looks good in a suit?

IBOC's Pastor Rickie Rush taught a lesson on how to get thru disappointments. He used cripture from the Old Testament, The Book of Jeremiah. The lesson included Pastor Rush discussing a ride on a roller coaster and when he was little and stole chocolate out of his mom's purse. The chocolate which really was Exlax--this lesson dealt with what God has called you to do and how you are always in His hands. Trust me--it ALL worked! :)

Got school work done. Never cleaned the house--imagine that--smiled at my backyard flowers and the leaves on the pecan tree. The scent of burgandy roses waltzed to my nose and then I smiled how a cat with dandelions is dee-lightful sight of Spring.

I am blessed.

A Birthday

...and it's NOT mine...at least not yet! Nope. It's Bear's birthday. I won't say the number, except he's four years younger than yours truly. My reason for this post: I thought of Bear today. Wondered if he had a grand day (as birthdays should be) and if he ate some good cake.

I didn't call Bear to wish him happy tidings. Naw, I did the 21st Century way of doing things: I Facebook'd Bear and then text'd him. Use to be a day, I'd call Bear to wish him a good day, plus I'd take him out to eat.

Honestly, I considered to invited Bear out to dinner. Only had about enough money for one burger on Wendy's Value Menu. We could split it. :) But I wound up not doing it. Thought about it too much, I guess, hence I thought myself right out of it. Even tho I believe it woulda been fun over laughs and fight over the last french fry.

Maybe I'll have another chance to not think myself right out of it.

Maybe...

January 20, 1990 was Saturday

And I went to Dog Races on a chartered Greyhound (coincidence?) Bus. A bus I'd actually chartered for a friend of mine, TZ. At the time I was charter travel sales rep for Greyhound, where I reserved, mapped, booked and collected money. In fact, this was the job that brought me to Texas in the first place.

Anyway, this charter was in Iowa and I had no plans to be there. Yet, I'd returned for a family funeral, so TZ said I needed to come along, with the other 30 folks, since I actually set up the trip. Honestly, I was a bit antsy, it was January in Iowa afterall. Snow and ice had made themselves known on this day. No matter, TZ said, we were still going the approx 130 miles to the Dog Races.

As we waited for the folks to show at the meeting place, TZ and I made sandwiches, all while I cringed at the howl of the Winter wind.

No need to mind. We made it there and back in one piece. All the folks were happy, even tho TZ kept saying he wish he could do more the folks. On the drive back, TZ did stay up front with the bus driver to keep him company, while everyone, including myself, snoozed.

Twenty years ago today, that charter was. At the time we knew Teddy Kennedy would have his Massachusettes seat forever, while the 1st George Bush was in the White House, and now I lived in Dallas, while the tv show "Dallas" was still in its first run. Where did the time fly to? Twenty years.

It's bittersweet, because I can't even remember the last time I saw TZ. I heard he's well. The sweet part was when I was 12 I told Mom I thought TZ pretty cute. She just smiled. You see, TZ's family owned a little ice cream shop, and for me nobody made better vanilla or chocolate ice cream-however they ONLY made vanilla and chocolate ice cream!

As for the Dog Races of 1990, I won eight bucks.