September 29, 1998 a Memory Made

Today I sat at work and it hit me how on this day, back in '98, I met Bear. I even smile to this day. We had alot more downs than up. I admit, there are times I did wish we could do a 'do over'--yet it finally did hit me: the the past is the past, and it can't be changed.

Too bad at times.

Bear was, and still is a handsome guy. I think more now than when I met him those 12 years ago. Our season wasn't to be what I wanted: together, married and kids. It became more instead to plant seeds in each other. It took me a long time to be OK with knowing someone else may reap that harvest from the seeds I planted.

I wonder if Bear thinks the same of me?

For a while we drifted in and out of each other's life, while dancing with others. We just seem to always float back to one another. Never really could make it stick. Blamed each other for our mess up. Then enough was finally enough. The cycle had to finally be broken. We both had to grow up and away.

Can't do over.

Yet, some memories do still make me smile.

And for that: Happy Anniversary.

Easter Rise

Grand Easter Service spent at Inspiring Body of Christ Church, with Pastor Rickie Rush, who spoke how we should not let a stone cover our grave. Basically, the stone was moved away from the tomb of Jesus and He was not there. In our lives, the stone is the devil who tries his best to not let you move. To not let you rise up. The devil tries to make you feel hopeless, helpless and isolated from your support.

The sermon hit me. It was how I felt pretty much this past entire week--a week I had off. To enjoy and celebrate my birthday. I did have a good time--yet, something hung over my head the entire time. My time wasn't like I wanted it to be. Due the stone that was over me. The stone I didn't push hard enough to move. As Pastor Rush said, the more the anointing the more the attack.

I understand that NOW. The devil doesn't want us to succeed at what we're called to do. Some times I think I've let God just to to voice mail. That needs to stop. Be thankful with what He brought me through--even if this week. He was with me all the time. Because of Him I am here. Because of Him I can go on.

This Easter Sunday was also an anniversary of sorts. On Easter Sunday 2003, I stepped foot in a church for the first time other than a child to recite a verse or a fan to hear the Osmonds bear their testimony, or even somebody's wedding. I went to church that day because I wanted to. Needed to fill a void in my heart. At my wit's end professionally and still mourned the death of my dad.

Easter Sunday 2006, was my first time back at church after my mitral valve replacement surgery. I'd just gotten the OK to drive a couple days before. Been away for almost two months. He had been in my house, to get me well, then it was my turn to go to His house. It was Resurrection Sunday-for both of us.

And today. The message Pastor Rush delivered touched me. Hit all the way home. I've been called to use the gifts God gave me. No more voice mail. I will listen to message first hand and not run. I'm destined. We all are. Do what you know you should do.

I am blessed.