Past Brings a New Year

******As called myself doing a little Winter cleaning today, I came across things I'd seen before, yet saw for the first time today. The first being about my maternal grandmother. I never knew her because she passed away a year after I was born. There was a picture of my grandmother that I'd seen before, however it hit home more than before. Why? Because someone had taped the snippet from the Des Moines Register newspaper about her death in this photo album. My grandmother died at just 52. I have outlived both my mother and her mother. My maternal grandparents were from Georgia. I wonder how, when, and why they ended up in Iowa? A mystery for 2012.***And then I found this photo. My dad at age 28. He sits in front of my grandparents' place. My mom and dad did not marry until two years later. I made my debut four years after that. My dad. 28. What was on his mind? Heck, Dad's got on jeans. What dreams did he have? Was Dad in love with my mom by then?

Questions I would love to ask in this New Year to solve mysteries of the past. The main characters are all in Heaven. Although a challenge....Stay tuned.

October 18, 2001 was Thursday

....and the day my dad died.

I can't believe Sweet Big Daddy Don has been gone almost a decade. Seems like forever, yet then seems like yesterday I got "the call" that afternoon. Just an awful day at my job. I so wanted to quit. I'd even gone home for lunch, since I lived close. I thought about calling my dad just to hear his voice. Yet, I thought I just bothered him so much about my work troubles.

Little did I know it would have been my last call to him. Dad was in a nursing home/rehab because of his blindness in July. He was learning to take care of himself even tho he couldn't see. It really wasn't going as well as they'd hoped.

My dad was so use to doing everything on his own. Now he couldn't see and had to so depend on others. It was sad. I still had him pictured walking down the street, Iowa Hawkeye jacket on with a King Edward cigar dangling from his mouth.

So on that Thursday, I think my dad just had enough. I know he never wanted to leave me--after all, I was his 'prettiest girl'--plus, he missed my mom and tired of waiting. Dad went to sleep and just didn't wake up. Just the way he wanted.

For me today, it's all bittersweet. How much my life has changed since his death and what has remained the same. I still hear Dad's laugh and times I think I smell the cigar smoke...

Especially when I look at his Iowa Hawkeye jacket that hangs in the closet.

May 17, 1924 was Saturday

My dad was born this day-eighty--five years ago. I smile, because if Dad still walked this earth, he would be a crustier and most loving ol' buzzard there ever was and still make the BEST bar-b-q ribs and chicken anywhere! After hearing these words, Dad would chew on his King Edward cigar and utter "Mercy!" Dad always spoke of his wish to open up a bar-b-q place in our Iowa hometown. Too bad he didn't, Dad woulda been a HIT!

On our birthdays, Dad and I would send each other about a dozen cards. He'd display them all over the house. Was just a fun thing to do. Some chums thought I was crazy to send him so many. Yea, whatever.

I'd send him serious cards, and little girl to her Daddy cards, then just funny cards. He loved them all. When Dad passed in October 2001, I packed up as many cards as I found and brought them back to Dallas. What's funny is, Dad still possessed cards I gave him when I literally was a little girl. My printing of "Daddy" on the envelopes made me smile.

As I've gotten older (and Dad would get a kick out of me joining a senior rec center) and the years after Dad's passing, I've thought more and more about his life. I bet when Dad was young, he wondered if there would come a time he didn't have to take care of somebody. See, Dad's dad died when my dad was just 12. By that time, all the older siblings were up and out of the house, leaving Dad home with his mom, plus his youngest brother and sister. The two youngest never married, and lived in the small four room house they were born in, until they died. .

Dad had just retired when my aunt became ill, literally for the first time I remembered. Dad went to the hospital every day and sat with her. Until she was released. My aunt died at home in the arms of her brother. It seems almost over night, my uncle was hospitalized. Dad began the vigil all over again, until my uncle's death--eight months after my aunt. Dad never complained.

And of course, there was me. When Mom died, Dad had a 13 year old girl to be all the more responsible for. So I just always wondered how Dad felt. We had our hard moments. A man in his prime, now a single dad. I realize Dad the best he knew how.

Honestly, I have a lot of smiles. Dad spoiled me, especially when it came to men. Yep. My dad cleaned, cooked--I mean really cooked (I miss his fried cornbread and greens. Talk bout some good eatin!) iron my jeans and fold bed sheets so well, you thought they came out of the package! And when I was little, Dad was the best snowman maker in the world and the best slide go'er down'er helper! Oh, and did I mention, Dad liked cats? Because of ALL that, especially the cat part, I thought every man liked cats.

Wrong. Every man I've been nuts about is either allergic or just out and out hates em. Which of course, is another post!

If Dad were here today, I'd probably be back in Iowa to present him a cake with 85 candles. I'd make sure every one was lit too. Ha! I can hear him to tell me to hurry with the lighting before the house burns down. Then I'd help Dad blow em all out, because I'd tease him how he was some old man now. Dad would chew on that King Edward cigar one more time before he put it in an ashtray. Then we'd count to three and blow all 85 candles out and laugh. For those few moments time would take us back to his lift so I could reach high for the icicle and even higher through life. Until the days I held Dad's hand, while he lie blind in the hospital. I knew then our earth life together ticked away. As I held Dad's hand, I asked God for even a teaspoon of the strength my dad always had. I think God gave me a tablespoon.

Happy Birthday Daddy! I am still your prettiest girl that loves you and smiles because your spirit dances in this house. I still want to make you proud that I'm Don's Girl.

I am blessed.