Christmas Eve 2000 was Sunday

As I drove home tonight from last minute errands, to dive into my jammies and under a quilt, I remembered Christmas Eve 2000. Such a particular Christmas Eve when I drove to Iowa with two cats in the tow. 

*****

I'd put off the trip a couple days because of sciatic nerve issues, a cold--and well, the drive was 768 miles one way. I just wasn't feelin' that jolly. 

*****The night before Dad called me. I burrowed under a pile of used tissues and pain like electric shocks up my leg every centimeter I moved. While Dad suggested maybe I shouldn't come. Since I didn't feel good, cold, weather, blah, blah, blah. 

*****I told Dad: "It's Christmas!" And he just sighed: 'Well, you're gonna do what you wanna do anyway." As much discomfort I was in, I knew then I HAD to get up and go. I just HAD to. 

*****On Dec 24th, I got a late start: 8 AM. When I did this all day drive, I usually tried to leave by 4 or 5 AM.  I filled up the gas tank, paid for my treats and told the cashier I was headed to Iowa. The cashier looked at me like I lost my mind. I think my two cats looked at me that way too. The cashier wished me a Merry Christmas and to be careful. 

*****About 9:30 PM, I pulled into Dad's drive way in Iowa and honked the horn. Thru the picture window, I saw Dad get up from his chair. I knew he watched that picture window, chewed on a King Edward cigar, waited all those hours for me. I'm sure that Christmas Eve was the one day Dad pulled himself away from his beloved westerns. I got out of the car and realized a wooden plank was more flexible than I was. The windchill factor had been on the negative side of zero for hours. 

*****I grabbed my two cats--of course--and made it into the house. The rest of my stuff could be brought in later. Sure, it would be frozen, but oh well!  After I grabbed the two scared cats in my bedroom so they could calm down, I fell into Dad's arms so I could calm down. I was back in the one place I always felt safe. Dad muttered I shouldn't have done all that driving in the cold. I told Dad I couldn't miss Christmas. 

*****And 2000 was the last Christmas we spent together. So now 12 years later-no sniffles, body aches still, but that's more to do with age and got cats. No matter how much something changes, it all stays the same. And I smile.

*******I'll be home for Christmas--if only in my dreams.

October 18, 2001 was Thursday

....and the day my dad died.

I can't believe Sweet Big Daddy Don has been gone almost a decade. Seems like forever, yet then seems like yesterday I got "the call" that afternoon. Just an awful day at my job. I so wanted to quit. I'd even gone home for lunch, since I lived close. I thought about calling my dad just to hear his voice. Yet, I thought I just bothered him so much about my work troubles.

Little did I know it would have been my last call to him. Dad was in a nursing home/rehab because of his blindness in July. He was learning to take care of himself even tho he couldn't see. It really wasn't going as well as they'd hoped.

My dad was so use to doing everything on his own. Now he couldn't see and had to so depend on others. It was sad. I still had him pictured walking down the street, Iowa Hawkeye jacket on with a King Edward cigar dangling from his mouth.

So on that Thursday, I think my dad just had enough. I know he never wanted to leave me--after all, I was his 'prettiest girl'--plus, he missed my mom and tired of waiting. Dad went to sleep and just didn't wake up. Just the way he wanted.

For me today, it's all bittersweet. How much my life has changed since his death and what has remained the same. I still hear Dad's laugh and times I think I smell the cigar smoke...

Especially when I look at his Iowa Hawkeye jacket that hangs in the closet.