Mother's Day Sunday

As the sun sets on this Mother's Day 2012, I smile of the memories I have of my mom. I have mentioned on this blog, Mom passed away when I was 13 and she only a young 43.  I am the woman I am because of her life and also because of her death. No matter how old I get, I wish Mom and I would have had more time on this earth together. I think of the dumb-dumb mistakes I have made on this road called life.  Although, I probably would have made them anyhow, if Mom had lived, I would have her to go back to--for more smoother road for life lessons. 

As a motherless daughter, we still need a strong female influence in our lives. I can be honest to say, I did not have such an influence after Mom's death. Oh sure, family was there, even a step-mother later on, yet it was not the same. My step-mother and I were  complete opposites. Instead of encouragement, she dished up the negative things I did and supposedly was--all not in the ear shot of my dad. Anyway, we all move on. We learn. We grow.We remember. We smile. On this day, as the sun sets, I remember my mom. Which is the way it will always be.  

Here's a link from last year's Mother's Day post. 

Birthday BeDazzler...

That's my Mom.

Today is her birthday

And 83 years young she would be-

I lost Mom 40 years ago this year. so

Been a motherless daughter longer

Than I physically had my mom-

Sad because of life we missed out on yet,

Glad because of the life we did have and how

Mom's spirit dances with me

Every minute of every day.

I miss you Mama.

Thoughts at 1:20 AM

It's Sunday Morning and I should be in bed. More time than intended was spent on a school paper. Part of our task was to turn it thru the Plagiarism dealy bop on the school's site. Gee, it spotted the quote (and my citation) of it as plagiarism...anyway. I finished all that a few minutes ago. I had to have it posted by 1:59AM.

I planned to be in bed by 1:59AM I still will be. Oh, and since this is an online class, our participation partly grade on our answer to discussion questions. Well, I notice a girl's response seemed familiar. I realized she'd copied and pasted her response from our online textbook. I was gonna through her under the bus and back over her, then I thought I'd e-mail her--then I thought know--I'll tell the teacher. Granted, the teach might already know--yet if I write those responses and mine are mine--then so should everybody!

Enough on that. On Saturday I attended a Remembering Mom luncheon. It was for those that have experienced mother loss. Today is hard for us--the hoopla surrounding Mom, and your mom isn't physically there for you to hoopla about. A hundred, mostly women and some men were there. At the end, we released balloons with little notes we attached, written to our moms. I got weepy then. I watched 'our' balloon soar high and out of site--pretty windy Dallas day. I prayed my mom was on the closet cloud and able to get my balloon.

I realized how much I missed Mom at that moment. How much I've missed out ON. I never really had a strong female role model after she passed. I knew that then, even though I couldn't define it.

My mom died 39 years ago at age 43. I've lived longer than Mom ever had a chance too. It's sad really. I've chartered territory we should have gone together. What adventures Mom and I would have had. That cats we would have fought over and the laughs we would have shared. How different my life would've been.

I know--things happen for a reason. God said it was time for Mom to go Home, those 39 years ago. But why when I was just a kid? The bible says God has a plan for me. My eyes and heart must be open to receive it. .

I wonder if they finally are.

Click here to read my Mother's Day post 2009.

I miss you, Mommy.

******UPDATE********
I made it to church this morning. Dragged alot. Not enough sleep. My Pastor Rickie Rush, of Inspiring of Christ Church spoke of Mothers, their purpose and their love for us. For me, I'd always wondered why my mother died when she and I were both so young. I carried alot of guilt about that.

Pastor Rush brought it on home to me. How Satan knows the child is a miracle. In my case, I was the try for a baby, after my parents suffered through four stillborns. How great things are in store for the child--so how to get at the child? I was born with one ear and nobody knew how far I would venture, then my mom dies when I'm 13. My main female influence was gone-so maybe my dreams, passions would die along with her.

Well, things may have been dormant for a spell, however you ain't seen nothing yet!

Stay tuned.