Mother's Day...

My mom died when I was 13. So long ago. We missed growing up together. I regret that. My mom died of complications from an elective surgery. In raw terms, she died from complications from weight loss surgery. Now this was 1971--things were not as they were now. Our family doctor was not for it. Yet, my mom saw the success of her younger sister, plus my 17 year cousin--and wanted to have it done. Mom was like a lot of us women--yo yo'd all her life. My dad didn't want her to have it. Something told me, I didn't want her to have it. Yet, she had her own mind (That's where I get it from) and wentwith the doctor her sister and niece had.

Mom had this surgery in June 1971. On September 27, 1971 she died. Yellow liver aptrophy.

She left a husband and teenage daughter.

For years, I blamed myself. If I would have said something. Yet, she was so happy 'to be thin'.....I was so guilted. Every year, my dad told me, "She was going to do it anyway, honey. Her mind was made up." He knew her death ate at me. So for those years, I hated Mother's Day. I didnt' even want to show my face to anything or anybody on that day. I didn't deserve to be happy.

I eventually did have a step-mother, yet she was not my mom. My dad loved her, and he was happy--that's what mattered.

My strength from God caused me to grow up and move on. Wasn't easy. And it began about decades after my mom died. So it wasn't so quick either--yet was I ready to even listed to God? When he really began to knock on the door? Nope. I turned a deaf ear.

I wonder how my life would've been with her Earthly impact. We would have fought along the way, yet those fights would be laced with love. I have my dreams. My memories. The guilt I felt is gone. The love she had for me is there.

Mother's Day is day I can smile. Sure, I remember her spankings--:) Yet, I remember her introduction for me to A & W onion rings. Mom asked, 'You like onions, right?" So I bit into one--LOVE. Things like that. Words of encouragment. The fact she said I was her 'angel'--I wonder how would have been. Yet, the life had was good.

Happy Mother's Day!