October 18, 2001 was Thursday

And the day Dad died. Seems just like yesterday, while other days it does seem like years ago. I miss my dad. Alot. When I'd say stuff like that Dad would say "You're just a big ol' baby." And I would respond, "Yes, I am. YOURS." If back in my hometown, a hug would follow.

Also, yesterday, while I watched the Iowa Hawkeyes beat the Wisconsin Badgers, I swear I smelled the smoke from Dad's King Edward cigar in the room. Even now I smile as our matching Iowa Hawkeye jackets still hang, side by side, in my closet.

On this day, in 2009, Pastor Rickie Rush, of Inspiring Body of Christ Church, spoke how our storms are like lemonade. We journey through the bitter to get to the sweet. That's how I view Dad's death. I realized how he suffered. The diabetes dictated an amputation below the knee on one leg in 1997. The beginning of the end. During Dad's rehab, a clot formed behind his eye and his sight was quite not the same. Dad could see, yet for him it wasn't good enough. I saw his confidence sink. In July 2001, Dad went blind and doctors said no hope for sight to be regained. Dad was moved to a nursing home in our home town to start rehab, so he may one day go home and fend for himself. Then on October 18, 2001, Dad went to sleep for the final time. I always believed Dad knew. He'd had enough. In fact, the staff, went to wake him for a doctor's appointment and he was gone.

Dad's death was/is bitter to me. I became an adult orphan that day. The sweet side is Dad joined my mom in heaven. In fact, his funeral wound up being their 47th wedding anniversary. I mentioned it in my eulogy to him. Also, Dad need not suffer anymore and can sit on any cloud with my mom--just as it should be. With a death, something begins to live--and that was something sweet I've had to adjust to. I know Dad didn't want to leave me, yet he knew I had to start living. He'd had enough.

When Dad passed, his sight regained and could see as far as his eyes could see. My daddy watches over me every single day. And there are those times the King Edwards cigar smoke tickles my nose.

I am blessed.

In 1996 December 22 was Sunday

Tomorrow is trash day. I hauled the stuff to the curb. This is one of those "I wish a man was close by" moments. Oh well, to today's entry:

Back in 1996, it was Dad's job to put the trash out by the curb. He would do it too, except during these late year moments, his health began to shift. It was a month before the amputation of his left leg, just below his knee. Diabetes. Dad wasn't feeling the best either, yet still had that forever cigar in his mouth. Plus his pride and joy---nope, not me--but the dog, Mr. Bojangles, was near by. Whenever I came home, that hound and I walked a million miles around town. Yep, even at Christmas time. The picture is from that Christmas.

Took a looksee in my 1996 diary. Just to see what else happened then. Just had to smile, because I thought I was SO in love! Indeedy. In fact, it was a classmate, I had a big ol crush on during junior high and some high school. Let's call him, Chi-town. He didn't have a clue until I told him at our 20th reunion. Which by the way, had a been a few months earlier, in July of 1996. OK--I gotta smile again.

My diary says, Chi-town had spent time with friends and family this December 22, evening and I'd watched the Cowboys lose to the Redskins, alas they were all ready in the playoffs and hadn't played the starters. I digress. Then Chi-town called me when all his company had left. Did I want to get some hot chocolate and go for a ride, he asked? Our rides usually consisted of going out to one end of our hometown, park the car at the Motel 8, and talk while we watched cars zip past on the highway. WOW-we both lived in big cities, and this is what we did. Anyway, I refused Chi-town's offer just because we had a date for the next day. This date which included a trip to to Des Moines, during a blizzard, with the windchill to single digits and a trip to an indoor ice rink. Chi-town tried to teach me how to ice skate. After some 6 yr old kid kept passing me, I gave up my dream of being Olympic gold medalist, Kristi Yamaguchi. Hmm. We took in dinner, movie and drove back home. The blizzard had eased, yet cold. Bitter cold. Kinda like my family and chums experience right now.

But ya know, it didn't matter back then. I was with Chi-town. He's the only man I ever looked at bridal magazines for. Told you, I thought was SO in love. And I was home. Right where I wanted to be.

Well, whatta ya know! Turns out I have a picture of me and Chi-town ,from the top of the Sears Tower, between pages of this 1996 diary. We look jovial. Gotta smile again. And I know you're wondering: what happened?

Well, that's another post.