Monday, July 26, 2010

Bittersweet Monday Moment

I'm a Facebook fiend. I admit it. Once was a doubter-now I'm not. Granted, I do not play Farmville or any of the games. In fact, I 'hide' the messages I get of others playing them. I like the fact chums I've know in every phase of my life, from kindergarten until now are my 'friends' there. Nice to keep in touch, however not every one really does.

They get on Facebook for just a moment--kinda like Bear. I'd mentioned him before. A man, I had a history with and unfortunately no future. We drifted always back to each other. Never quite sure why. Never really had a boyfriend/girlfriend thing even when we did date, so many years ago.

In recent times, the only time we had conversation was at church. A usual hug, some chat and occasional say "let's do coffee" and we never did. Bear started IBOC in the late 90's. We'd split up alot by then and I thought the whole church thing was a phase he was going thru. Let's just say I knew Bear , when we were both "in the world". My awakening didn't happen until 2003, and at the time Bear and I weren't even speaking.

Anyway, the whole point I'm making, our relationship was a memory or two of a past, civil conversation today, and not really any tomorrow. Well, on Facebook, I found out Bear changed his status to "married."

That woke me up at 6:05 this morning. Our relationship wasn't BFF status, yet I would think would Bear would tell me he was married. I mean, at church, text (which we'd done the week before), and has my phone numbers. How do I feel? There's a piece of me wonders if I'd done this or that different, maybe...just maybe...I've changed alot since Bear and I met those years ago. We never made time to know each more now. Maybe we just weren't suppose to.

Then I remember it does take two to the row the boat. My arms got tired. I forced alot of our relationship because I loved him and never planned to leave him. He could be vague at times and I just didn't get it. Denial, I'm sure. Even when the going stunk--I still felt we could work it out. Bear had qualities I longed for in a man--things I had missed in others.

So yea, Bear may have his Mrs. I did text him this morning to congrat him. I've not heard from him. When I got home, his Facebook Page was gone.

And so is the friendship that never really got a chance.

Bittersweet.

3 comments:

Laoch of Chicago said...

This is quite sad. Hopefully the future will hold better relationships in store for you.

Old Kitty said...

Oh Thomasina!! What a thing to discover from Facebook of all things! I'm very sorry to know this! Oh but you trusted your instincts with him all these years and you were right!! You deserve better - much much much better!! I am so so so sorry to hear of your pain.

Please take care.

Take care
x

Don's Girl said...

Yea, Twitter and Facebook make it to easy to inform folks of stuff, when back in the day, you would actually hafta to tell them.

Bear and I have a piece of each other. We never could quite the pieces together. I wanted to. And I think to a degree he wanted it also--we just never could make it happen.

Thanks for your input!